Friday, December 30, 2005

"Tang Chee Fei?" "Yes, speaking"

"whadda fuck you want?"
"urm...I'm calling from Monash to tell you that ur offer package is ready, Thats the fuck i want!"

"oh okay so when can i collect it?"
"anytime now"
"oh okay, thanks, I will collect it today"
"you're welcome, suck shit 76 ter also can enter"
"Can I ask you a question? Fuck you"

bwahahaha i can enter with my under the min requirements SAM results yay...haha SAM is easy even a piece of shit like me can do tht, any F5ers reading this now. Don't think, Do SAM! Uncle SAM wants YOU!

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So i went there with Sean, who's not going to monash and Adrian, who haven't receive a call from monash YET...went to the receptionist,

"Hi, I'm here to to collect my offer package?"
"Ok give me your name"
"Tang Chee Fei"
"Give me"
"Huh? Tang Chee Fei"
*she hands out her hand but looking downwards nvr looking at me , bz at her work ma*
*Searches my wallet
"Will this do?"
*Hands out taylors student card
"That's my name there"
*She looks at my Card, and look at me* *MMpphhs...Giggle...mmmpphh....*

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Mahem she fucking laughing at my pic, FUCK YOU, You also laugh? machowhai X X ,click the X at the top right corner now pls. Mahder my blog laugh at me la. Niasing ni.

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wan takau?

"Please wait"
"Ok"(cibai sohai)
"here is your offer package, if you have any further inquiries you can always call us, our number is inside the envelope"

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"ok thank you very much"
*Fakes a **charming smile XD

--- later in the evening, had a function in a relative's house. And as a Noob speaking, this is what i have to say about Heineken.
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It is less gassier then Carlsberg and the aftertaste is not as bitter as carlsberg's, so i guess it shud be better then carlsberg. Cizo!

P/S : Maybe it's old i dunno but download this audio file called zhng my car from the Mr.Brown show omfg its funny fuck.

p.p/s :Sing to Alladin's A whole new world chorus.

~~~~ A WHOLE nuuuuuuuu year,
A Dazzling time i never knew,
It's time to get a girl,
Who won't make me hurl,
That is my new year's re-so-lu-tion

Unbelivable chicks,
Indescribable booties,
Soaring, tumbling and m_stur_ _ - ting
Through an endless time,

Don't you dare turn to gay,
A hundred thousand porns to watch,
Hold your breath it gets better,
I'm like a machine gun,
I've cum so far,
I can't go back to where I used to be.

A wholee.....nuuuu.....year.........~~~~~

p.p.p/s : I'm not a perv, see the halo above me? ^-^

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Those were the days, Fuck You!

Yesterday night, pegi Rain dan minum besama orang orang kelas, which were, P, adry, Tat, annie, sean, and....Berttie and me! It was alright we plan to go clubbing(amateur speaking here) on tues' and *ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?* P will try to get candy to come muahahaz i luv u P!! muaksiez~* ! anyways yeah i drank this so called AK-47 IT TASTES LIKE SHIT SHIT SHIT, i drank half and adri helped me finished the rest because it tastes so SUCK SUCK SUCK! like medicine!! I'm gonna complain to Emily's boss 1 day! bwahahah and yer gonan lose ur job melee!(em)

yayaya when we returned home thx sean for the sacrifice for not drinking and sending us home, yaya so my dad and his frenz were still sitting outside the house drinking with two of his frens sue was supposed to join us but she wuz scared, personally i was scared too, till i realised they were(one of them at least) BITCH DRUNK AHHAZ!

So i tried my best to erm, re-enact, re-call, re-say wut they said?.. Some will be in cantonese so if u dun understand HAH THEN TOO BAD CUZ IM RACIST! .. xD jk i'll translate them for u lahz.

We entered the house

dad : ken u ask ur frenz whether wanan join us to drink or not?
me : Hah?.. errr i tink they duwun la
dad : Never mind u ask first
Me : Ah, ok.

*asks and blabla sat down at the table

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uncle lau : Wah lei tei yat ko, ahh fuck the cantonese, Wah u all 1,2,3, all so hemsem arh?
But where is the stock? No stock today?
Dad : What stock?
Adry : Stock?
Me : No girls?
Uncle Lau : Yes! where is the girls? Girls where?
Adry : No girls lah uncle, next time you come and drink with us then you can see the girl.
Uncle Lau : Yes good. Good guy, You are eh good guy i tell you.
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Uncle Jo(to my dad) : Wei Burn lah wei, you haven't drink yet.
Dad : Burn.
Adr : What's burn?
Me : It's to finish drinking i think
Uncle Lau : Clear the glass, clear the glass.
Uncle Lau(to dad) : your son also know how to say burn ah.

*so we be burnin
*after a few gulps

Me : *Gags gagging*
Me : shit

*runs to the porch, vloiwwkkkk....ppphiu...

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thats my vomit... =.=;

went back to the table which is also round.
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Uncle lau(to adrian) : So where you guys sent back? huh? whaaat you doing?
Uncle Jo(to uncle lau) : Oi burn lah what YOU doing. You say what who asnwer you.
Uncle Lau : I love chirstmas
Adrian : Me too
Uncle Lau : Nia sing christmas i dont come out i stay at home and drink myself, but there is no snow in australia during christmas, It is fucked up i tell you, Fucked up. Walking in the winter wonderlaaand....Do they purposely kill turkeys for christmas? Sure or not? You know ah, actually Lau Tak Wah(Andy Lau) is my friend.
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A,S,K : oh...okay..
Uncle Lau : You all 1,2,3 all also very hemsem i tell you, very hemsem.
Dad: you say like that means we not handsome only.
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Uncle Jo : We are handome. Last time, now its not our age to be handsome mah. Those were the days lah.
Uncle Lau(to Uncle Jo) : yeah, Hey!, Those were the days, FUCK YOU! (to me,adr,sean) Nia SING him He think last time he very hemsem woH!
Dad : Oklah last glass, burn! burn! Ken, drink more water.
Me : Ya ya. ( i was already sick to the stomach)
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*adrian and sean drank finish and Sien was red as the colour of hell, adr was like normal only but he's not, motherfucker he's NUTS!
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When they all left including dad, we were left to suffer!!!
Sean and I both cannot move, Head compressed and spinning faster then you can *I'm not saying it here*

Sean : Kenneth, my head is spinning Wah I've never drinked(<---LOLX) so much in a short time before . WAH WAH i can't feel my nerves! WAH
Ken : U can puke there if u need, dun move ur head, make u worse only, your brain.
Sean: *walks to the front porch and sat down, beside my puke.
vloiwwkkkk....ppphiuewwkkkk.... VIUOK GAGGING VIOUKKKKKAAHH
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Ken : HAHA he finally vomitted! haha adrian, do me a favour and take a picture of his puke please.
Nuts adrian : OKAY!
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Being not able to stand the whirlwind in my head i lied down on the wooden bench,
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trying to sleep hopefully things will be bett.. VLIOUUUKWKWOKWOJODJ VOOSHHH BLUEKKKKSS
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I promise if i'm going to go clubbin on tuesday i wont have a single drop of alcohol in my mouth..i wont sorry noo..

Adrian : HAHA! kenneth vomited again Im gonna take picture of you! Come on give me one more big onee..UWEKKK UWEKK!
Me : Adrian, stop...
Adr : Stop what? taking pictures or talking to you??
Me : shut up..
Adr : what? You want me to shut up?
Me : *Saliva dripping down* shadup..
Me : ohhhhh...moannn...groann.......*no not wut u tink u pervs*]

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drunkard took this himself.

* half an hour later they were not outside anymore, one went in, one to my room, i slept outside then to the sofa inside till 5am. Went up to my room to pee... wtf i see whitish yellowish flakes inside. Bloody HAHAHA Adrian vomited as well! woohoo!! diu vomit all my Wise brand potato chips out waste my money only.

nothing beats pure H2O at this point.
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So, Know your limits. And eat a turkey for your christmas! Christmas merry to you

P/S: this is what the actual results look like for my SAM programme. Not some paper signed by erm, Saranette miles williams.
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p.p.s : I think they look alike XD

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Candy and Cyndi

........ *heart melts

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Results Results Results

F**K F**K F**K F**K F**K F**K F**K F**K

neber mind still can get some business degree, minimum TER 66%.
but Holy shit, this is worse then my forecast omfgod.!!! Take a look ur self they sent me email and it can be found also at taylors' web. Im gonna go get labelled 'black sheep of the family' by my parents now, 4 real. Sigh no mood to say anything anymore.

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Saturday, December 10, 2005

Narnia is now cliched

'oo its been so long since my last blog', 'havent update so long', 'wow look on the date of my previous post', hey hey listen, we DONT FUCKING CARE!! =P

Narnia the chronicles , The lion, wtf,wtshit VS. HARRY POTTER andd the goblet of FIRE!

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the obvious winner???... HARRY POTTER! duh duh duh duh duh duh duh! Cause i'd rather see the beautiful Fleur Delacour,

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and Hermione Granger,

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then..some lil kiddies skippin around in white snow wheeee!.

"This ays fawn ayent it?"

just compare the above to the one below

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-.-; ..... But if Dakota Fanning wuz in it thn maybe, jez maybe i'll consider Narnia...but she's not! HAH Harrypotter rocked narnia.


Dakota Fanning is cute

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Return from Malacca part 2

*Yawnz* ANother BORING family trip.*sui chai* U Kwang would quote me. Reached malacca had a dumb lunch and went into CowBoy Town WOOPEE halabaloo! I'm So excited ! I am I am! sheesh...bored like dumbledore. TOwards the end of the night visit to that 'cowboy town' there's a parade see...which starts from one side of the street to the other end. The opening , wah quite amazing lo, they had white pigeons fly from one end to the other then turn and make their way wow..i cant even train myself to do tht ! Then comes the *ahem* 'interesting' part. *SMILES SO WIDELY!!* at the end of the parade they ask the audience to get to the dancefloor to DANCE!! and i was like ...fuck no..those parade dancers started off the dance..the macarena.. the street was long till you could barely recognize who was at the end of it.. so there were these 2 circles, ppl started joining them. HECKLAH join only la try to make this miserable trip ABIT fun loR!!... so yeah i went into the first circle they did the macarena so fast and i looked so dumb trying to follow them. The 8-stepped dance was pure embarassment..sigh. I looked around anxiously to see if any bastard laughin at me or not...As i scanned the people in my circle towards the right i saw her. Huh? Is that her? Is that the girl which i laid my eyes on since the start of college? Is that the girl who sold me a piece of chocolate for 2 bucks? the one that made me so nervous during my ESL trial examination because she sat beside me. What are the chances lah. I guess she felt tht i was staring at her for a moment...she glanced back, I wasn't sure as i hardly looked at her during college, let alone talk. She looked away, *PHEW*, it isn't her. Within that split-second she spun her head flinging her lovely hair behind her back and said to me,


"Eh? So ngam 1??"
"Oh its you! Hi! urm..."
Out of excitement i blurted out,
"Can I have a picture with you?"
She replied with a sweet melodious "ok"


What are the chances like seriously here's a diagram to show...the street is longer in reality, and she had to be in the same circle as I did.

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And behold! Candy Girl!

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not very clear cause i tooked tht shot from a developed photograph.

After the picture


I tried to resume our convo
"wow, what a coincidence"
"Yea, i came today"
"Do you perhaps think it's fate?"
She looked at me while her iris sparkled under the shimmering moonlight.
"I love u..."
her eyes grew intense as she moved her lips closer towards mine and said,
"me too......"


GOTCHA!!! wahahagagagajajajabababubububu.

then the next day in the animal safari met her thr like so many times. When we were to be parted on our last encounter. She said "I'm going back already", she was so gosh darned cute!

My hearted remained melted on the way back to PJ.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Return from A Famosa, Malacca.

He fumed with anger when he was forced to get off dreamland. "Go where now...." "EAT!, whole day dun nid to eat 1 ar?" *rassa frassa grumble mumble grrrr* yea so we went to this tiny piece o shitto restaurant, with its 'unavailable' in KL's roti tawar..

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When it was my turn at the wheel,

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i flashbacked on the time i did something with my dad's proton wira...

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When i tried to apply wut i did to the go-kart or so they call it, i was on the highway to HELL!

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As the front wheels on the all terrain vehicle went smack right into the pool of brown shitty looking water. Pieces of earth were flung in the air and came down bombarding me and my sis.

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yea then the fire-eaters who cant even dum-fuggin say "Welcome to A Famosa resort!"
It sounded more like "WOHkam Too EH FEmsa RESAHT!"

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While I was tryin to look cool drinkin a half a draft of beer with my dad after the night parade in Cowboy town, the quite bitter taste reminded me of the night praevin puked, before he puked there was this convo which i thot was really WHATTHEFUCK?HA HA type of convo..Litat,Alvin and Daniel Yap were the ones in the intense discussion when Praevin came in and erm, 'helped'


"hey we need to bring back the rum from P's room"
"Daniel u go take la"
"What Am I gonna say?, what if P dun wanna give it to me?"
"But if we bring it back up we have to hide it from praevin, he will surely drink it"
"Ya Daniel you go take first before Praevin comes out from the toilet"
"But what Am i suppose to say?"
"We have to hide the rum"

*Praevin exits the loo

"What? I can go get the rum"
"no no u sit down, i duwun u to walk outside"
"litat pls, i need to take a walk, i go take rum"
"no u cant"
"please, i need to"


In my mind, i was laughing my ass off at them comfortably under the blanket." wuthefuck? just go down and get the rum and bring it up??" omfg..i said to myself the hilarious but immense situation was real FUNNY.

p o s e r s

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part 1 malacca trip end...

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Tie my stomach

HUNGRY!!! walaneh, today vegetarian day, after i accidently ate my tuna pizza this morning, i official started the vegan day, no meats or its associates till 12am tmr, now gonna reach evening liao, skipped lunch cause dunno wht to eat, opened the fridge and the food cabinet and found heavenly foodstuff,
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mmmm, i cherished the moments i had with my whittaker's rum&raisin...aiyor, feel like im fasting like a muslim, and they started early early in the morning. I wish i could convert into a christian now so that the lord can share his fish and bread with me..... so hungry...

D-days of SAM

SAM was here and now SAM is gone, the year tht i try to struggle through every subject. SAM fucking rocks lar, lunch breaks, dota breaks, toilet breaks, cig breaks, not mine though.
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Tht photo was shown during the coroboree night/dinner/gala affair.
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Prom was way better compared to my high school prom, SMK BU1, hosted the worst prom ever, with the worst host. I was glad to leave high school(known for its infamous backstabbers and fame-hunters)
With S8, who needs anyone else?