Monday, July 31, 2006

...

Do not dwell in the past.

Do not dream of the future.

Concentrate the mind on the

Present moment.

Thanks izso dude for ur kind and ‘chim’ words. J

Adrian oi, lu jangan terbang gitu cepat, belum makan sama I.

I change my mind about Christianity, now I think it’s dumb although I have always had the view about Christians being generally smarter. Maybe most of them speak better English because most Church services are held in English where as most Bhuddist Sunday schools are held in Chinese. I think it is more about how you learn to live through life than which ever almighty you believe in, Christ, Allah, Buddha, they’re all the same. They’re just to teach everyone of us to be the best person we can be. The bibles, the sutras all contain general teachings. I don’t think it is about how we praise the lord, I think it is how we reveal our own self-attainment. Meanwhile, I’ll stick to bhuddism, Besides, I like this picture.

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I came back from 1Utama just now, and read something off of a book in Popular, 101 things you should’ve remembered but you didn’t. I flipped through the pages and found words in big bold letters,

Sure way to failure is trying to please everyone

I think that is what I have been doing exactly, trying not to hurt people’s feelings and such, but somehow, I don’t feel like I get any, appreciation nor respect, because of

a) too dumb

b) too fake

I think I have been a combination of both, which leads to total self-annihilation.

Oh well, some thoughts while in the shower. Off to buy some foam applicator pads at ACE now. Introverts shop alone, and is more enjoyable than doing it with others.

Oh yeah just now I bought a fibre seat cover, called Coolmax, with the trademark logo on it summore, it was supposed to be breathable. My first minute impression on it was, suppose to rename it to Seat Heater instead of Coolmax.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Thoughts....

Hmmm…I haven’t pointed my middle finger at something or someone for quite some time now…usually back in high school, I point it pretty often, at least twice in a day. Whether if it’s at a friend, behind my parents’ back or just to see how long my middle finger is.

So I’m just thinking back, what is so good about pointing yer middle finger? The middle finger combos perfectly with the line, “Ahh fuck you lah!”. Maybe I thought I looked cool doing that last time. Woah look at me. I’m pointing my middle finger, I’m rude, I’m bossy, I AM KING. How’cha like that non-middle-finger-pointer?

An adult would not see me as a king, but rather utterly mostly tremendously etc etc childish. D’OH how could I be so dumb that time. Have you ever gone home and thought back about something you did that made you look stupid but you didn’t realize it that time because of the attention you think you’re getting? And then go ‘AHHH why the hell did I do that’ in your mind? I did, many times at that in fact. I can’t think of any now…but there are plenty.

Talking about middle fingering being cool. Smoking is cool too, for some. I think that smokers belittle(look down at) non-smokers….not all but most…or issit just me that gets belittled very often by smokers. I want to be superior, I want to rise above all of them. I want them to feel inferior in my presence, I want them too know, I am not dumb, even though I’m born that way. It’s my handicap.

When I marry next time, if I ever do, I want my wife to be intelligent, kind, caring and all things beautiful on the inside, I’ll force myself to marry her even though she’s as fugly as him.

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, it will be the best for the kids, inner beauty shines the most. Not radiant skin, not charming smiles, not perfectly lined up white teeth. Because I don’t have inner beauty, by marrying someone who’s beautiful on the inside, I would have perfect children who may not rebel against their parents, who listens to them and does not tell lies. Just good. If they are geeks, even better.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Introversion

A friend called me fake today, let me rephrase that, someone called me fake today.

I know I am most of the time, because the real me is actually, rude, uncaring, curseful and a whole lotta crap everyone wouldn’t like. If I became that I would be really, alone.

100% introvert.

I came across a website… stating facts/features about introverts.

  • Introverts are not necessarily shy.
  • after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge.
  • For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating.
  • Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people.
  • …and more sensitive than extroverts.

more here : http://www.learningplaceonline.com/relationships/friends/caring-introvert.htm

I’m definitely a 100% introvert, when my friends ask me to go out, I will find reasons not to, unless it’s with someone familiar or whom I can communicate with stress-free, meaning, I can be my real rudeful, who gives a damn shit self. When I socialize with familiar people I guess I turn into an extrovert.

Today’s my dad’s birthday, he bought himself a 2nd hand 1.3 Satria (not Neo) home. When he drove it into the porch, I was even more enthusiastic than him. I saw that the catalytic converter has been changed to a bullet. There is a fuse for an amplifier, but it has been taken out. The radio receiver is by Perodua, not the OEM Clarion.

For his birthday I’m gonna clean, polish and wax the car as if it was my own. It is very taxing. And it bloody rained today, I washed it yesterday. The tight corners sprayed dirty water all over the doors from the centre down.

Dammit, my mum just called and the dinner we are going to will have some of dad’s frens. With the dee aye tee you kay title. I hate it when I have to eat with them. I can’t be myself. I have to watch my manners. I have to look and sound polite. It’s all bloody taxing. I hate it. And they always ask my parents, why your son so shy.

I’m not bloody freaking shy u fool, if I were not, you’ll probably look at me like I have a kazillion moles on my face, I have some but not a kazillion!

Socializing sucks.