Sunday, December 30, 2007

Oh noooo...

So I was flipping through today’s Star newspaper, and came across an article about singles.

Start Flashback

I’m driving at night alone to Domino’s Pizza to buy Pizza(obviously). On the way there I mentally decided to give up on my love-life, it’s bad experience one after another. Every time I like someone, it would just turn out bad. And I would hate those moments, even when nothing started.

So I’ve mentally decided that I wouldn’t care, wouldn’t give a damn anymore. Just be a bachelor for the rest of my life.

End flashback


The article talks about singles having perks during festive season where they could do what they want, go where they want whenever they want because of the freedom they get, although there are times where they might be lonely. Then came across this,

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I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a book! You can’t bring a book out to the movies, you can’t kiss the book, the book does not give you back warmth when you hold it. Noo……

And then below the short article is this

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Single men and women gather together for a speed dating thing.

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Some of them look so old. Noooooooooo, I don’t want to get old and be alone and decide it’s time to discover my other half. Which then brings me to a singles gathering so I can hold a random woman’s hand, NOOOOOooooo. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, yet, my very imperfect self is searching for a very perfect person, which is unrealistic.

You gotta know how to play the game, but that’s being fake, if being fake can bring me someone then I don’t want that. But if I’m true to myself, the only people I can attract are those with balls and penises. Noooo…. I can see myself in the future.

When I move out of my house, I will buy a bed fit for two, a dining table fit for two, a couch fit for two… but I would sleep on one side of the bed staring at the empty space beside me, imagining, wishing, hoping for the one to be there.

But please don’t let it be a book.

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Saturday, December 22, 2007

I know what my problem is

I am a selfish bad friend. I only care about myself, really. I care about what I want to watch, what I like but never about what people like.
When they go “This show is damn nice”.
I just go, “yalor yalor, haha it is very nice”

Fake shit!

Just agree with them. But I think, despite how much I hate fake people or being fake, I have to be fake. My friend tells me, don’t have to be fake, just be friendly. I think I have to be fake to be friendly because I don’t genuinely care about what the hell others think or want.

They like this and want that, I just laugh abit, give a smile and agree agree, and then I think they like me for that and then ego kicks in. woohooo, sohai meh….

So yeah, the next time I’m friendly at you, I am fake, because naturally, I am critical, quite hard to change but reduce lah, but I am, what I am…I think.

So next time if you tell me you like Bleach,
I will go “yeah yeah, Bleach, a lot of my friends also watch it”
In my mind I will be thinking, ‘sohai me, idiots watch anime lah’ (Just an example, I’m currently downloading 11.7GB/67 episodes of Yakitate Ja-Pan, in love with this anime because the main character is verry optimistic, honest and confident, everything I am not, hahaha)

So yeah, now it’s 7.07 am, haven’t sleep was out for family dinner, and then re-union dinner with college mates and then mamak and then to someone’s house and chat till 5.30am (About girls, men’s virginity, masturbation, and you know…boy’s talk, haven’t had these in a while, my other uni mates are all straight and proper, BORING), now trying not to sleep so I can go jogging later to wake up my brain. Past two days have been uber unproductive

SORRY Daniel Yap! I thought I not going to the dinner one coz I got family dinner, in the end I went there, late, so I didn’t call, Sue Anne wanted to call. It’s my responsibility to call sooo sorry didn’t call you. I belanja you 3 hours of Battlefield 2142 ok??

Yah past two days have been super unproductive because of my computer, the PROCRASTINATING MACHINE.

Serious shit, I wake up, sit in front of computer, didn’t even brush teeth, so many thigns to do on the com.

1) Check forums, which I have plenty of, detailing forums, one automotive forum. Check detailing sites for new products. Forums easily 2.5 hours.

2) Games, Battlefield 2142, I’m just dying to play this game with lotsa real players. This can easily fill up 2 hours of my day.

3) YOUTUBE. This cibai site is the procrastinator’s homepage man. I go there only don’t expect to see anything, in the end click on related videos watch click watch click watch click, then think of things to search and watch. One was Kelly Clarkson’s American Idol Final performance of A Moment Like This, goosebumps man…. Ya, plentiful of stuff, on YouTube, this one EASILY 1-6 hours. 1 hour pass then you think, aiyah one more video won’t hurt, then another and another, and it all adds up. It’s 3pm, aiyah one more video and I will do my work, 3.15pm, aiyah 15 minutes only, another video, by the time you start getting tired, it’s already 11pm and you feel sleepy already, your brain is dead from all the inactivity and you don’t feel like studying.

4) TV shows(Torrents). So it’s 11pm, I decide to go to sleep so I can wake up early tomorrow, but wait what’s on my folder of downloaded videos from torrents. Geee, A few movies, Kitchen Nightmares, Grey’s Anatomy, Heroes, Top Gear… So open one and watch lor, in the end watched again one full episode of Kitchen Nightmares(Campania episode rocks), and then open some Grey’s anatomy, boring, change to Top Gear, see some cars power sliding around, then 1am already. Then aiyah play “A BIT” of BF2142 lah, 1 hour gone, 2am.

Then only go sleep, I have to be the MOST unproductive guy on earth. I think I will be a very lousy boyfriend. Now procrastinated for 3 days and skip two days of class suppose to study to catch up during this period. Okay! 7.20am, the day is bright, wash face go jog! Right after listening to the Opening song of Yakitate Ja-Pan. Sing along to the song! Lyrics are below the video, hehe.



dokoka touku de mimi wo sumashiteru hito ga iru
arayuru basho de sora wo miageteru hito ga iru
yozora no shita de kuchibue fuiteru bokutachi wa
kotoba mo nai mama yubi de tada seiza wo nazotteru

samugariya no yume tsumetai kimi no te
atatameru mahou wa hitotsu no michi wo shinjiru koto

houki gumo no mukou ni mitsuketa hitotsubu no hoshi wa
kagayaku hoshi demo kasukana hoshi demo
kimi dake no hikari

mune no kumo no mukou ni mienai mama no michishirube
saa kono te wo hiraite ima nani wo shinjimasu ka

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Scrambled eggs

After watching this,


I decided to give it a try.

Replaced the sourdough bread with French loaf and the big mushrooms with button mushrooms.

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In the end, too much salt and chives. I put some cheddar cheese spread on the bread thinking scrambled eggs and cheddar cheese would create an explosion of flavour like in Ratatouille.

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But was more like ugh, too salty, the mushrooms and tomatoes were great. Next time Just less salt in the eggs, less chives, slower heat, and nothing on the toasted bread.

Monday, December 17, 2007

I AM NOT THE BIGGER MAN

GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS KENNETH! WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STOP BEING A WUSS AND GROW UP FOR GOD’S SAKE, YOU NO USE< SISSY WIMP!
GOD DAMN IT, THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BE ALIVE.
THERE’S NOTHING GOOD ABOUT YOU, YOU ARE FECKING GAY.
YOU AIN’T MACHO, PPL WON’T LOOK UP TO YOU. DAMNNN

Thursday, December 13, 2007

hmmmm

If Buddha and his teachings has compassion for all, then why does Hell exist? shouldn't we relieve them of their suffering too?

this will require further investigation....

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I want to tell you how I feel
but I can't because, I don't have the right to do so.
If I had, I would tell you that you are very special, and 'track 17'

I feel alive

Woke up early today with you on my mind early in the morning. I wished u good morning, and then changed and went to Kiara park. Jogged 4 laps on the lower part of the park. Exhausted, took a walk on the hill to cool down, reflecting on myself, reminding myself that everything I do, I do it for you.

While I was walking back to my car I was thinking about the talents I would like to have.
One of them is cooking, thought wanna go cooking class, and after watching many episodes of hell’s kitchen, kitchen nightmares…. How hard could it be.

So searched online for a cheese omellete recipe and tried to cook it. Came out looking like a pile of shit, haha. Taste was okay, not enough mint leaves and don’t have cheesy flavour, but it’s edible.

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One of my mission in operation to be a better man is to get a High Distinction for my business law(retaking) course this summer. So read and did the tutorial, and drew diagrams and such. Hopefully can keep persistence. Purpose; to prove to her that I am not a person who doesn’t care about education. To make myself worthy to be by your side.

So I arranged all my detailing contacts, washed my car, went jogging, finished my school work and I have extra time, oh yeah another one is to TOTALLY eliminate procrastination, I have free time, so kinda eliminating already. GOOD. Now if I can only call you to hear your voice, and let me tell you that I like u so very much….

Also while I was walking this morning, I answered a question that I’ve always wondered about, why do people always have enthusiasm? Many times I feel dead, I feel lost, my life isn’t worth living.

My answer to this is…I think..love. You are my inspiration, my motivation and my purpose. I have a purpose in life now, to make myself worthy to be by your side. And you are my purpose. And I hope I can live up to my words, which is, “I will wait….3-5 years”..I will wait….

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Negaholicism

From askmen.com

"I'm a confirmed negaholic. I don't just see a glass that's half full and call it half empty; I see a glass that's completely full and worry that someone's going to tip it over."
- Peter McWilliams

Are you a negaholic? A negaholic is someone who, consciously or not, consistently chooses to be negative. Negativity can become a habit that is difficult -- but not impossible -- to break.

And what if it's not your intention to be pessimistic? Being contrary, doubtful and wary might be ingrained in your character or you could be suffering from a neurological chemical imbalance.

brain strain

In a 2002 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, a condition called "negative affect" was defined as a "predisposition to anxiety, irrationality, anger, and a range of other unpleasant moods." Negative affect was said to be identified physiologically by increased brain activity in the prefrontal cortex. It's purported to be a permanent condition, but one that can be controlled.

When negativity is the direct consequence of the loss of a job, a failed relationship or the death of a loved one, it is considered a reactive mood disturbance and is generally a temporary condition.

Whether your negative thinking pattern is ingrained in your personality or stems from a specific event, it's characterized by physiological changes in your brain. The brain is composed of millions of neurons -- nerve cells that send and receive messages from the body using neurotransmitter chemicals. Such messages can be disrupted by a chemical imbalance.

There's no shame in seeking counseling or medical treatment to remedy a chemical imbalance and improve your quality of life. If pervasive feelings of hopelessness, a lack of energy and an inability to function well persist for more than two weeks, they are considered to be symptomatic of clinical depression. Medication can help the brain regain control.

If your negative thinking patterns are the result of habit rather than a diagnosable medical condition, there are ways to counter them. Here are some tips on how to adopt a positive attitude.

shake negative thinking patterns

Identify your triggers
Become aware of when negative thoughts occur. Your thinking may become distorted when you're tired or hungry or when work pressures pile up. Monitoring your negative thinking patterns will help you identify what triggers them, enabling you to regain control.

Don't sabotage yourself
Expect and accept bumps in the road. Eliminate negative thoughts, recriminations and self-criticism. Don't dwell on past incidents -- learn from them and move on. Changing the way you view your world will allow you to see opportunities in obstacles.


Adopt coping strategies

Remember past slumps that inspired negative thoughts and remind yourself of how you got out of them. Some men find it helpful to keep a journal to navigate them through a rough patch until they regain their equilibrium. Even for a chronic negaholic or someone coping with depression, there's always hope. Focus on improving your self-esteem and confidence, and your attitude will become more positive.

Think before you speak

Force yourself to avoid saying anything negative for a few days. Think twice before talking and you'll become aware of your negative thought patterns. Some men find it helpful to visualize flipping a switch when a sarcastic or demeaning comment is about to spout or when defeatist self-deprecating talk creeps in. Create a new habit of becoming more accepting of others and yourself.

Seek out support

If your negative thought patterns seem to be rooted in a specific incident, talk with other people who have suffered through the same, whether it's losing a family member, a girlfriend or a job. A few counseling sessions with a qualified mental health professional could help you deal more effectively with life's problems and improve your outlook.

Get some perspective

Volunteer to help the less fortunate so you can reflect on the positives of your own life. We often become negative because we are impatient to get ahead, to increase our income and to improve our material wealth. Serving dinner at a homeless shelter can put things in focus.
Buddy up
Ask a trusted friend to point out when you're being negative. Create a signal so no one else can recognize his coaching. Act immediately to remedy the pessimistic thought or action by putting a more positive spin on a negative comment. It's all about transforming your attitude and creating new, healthier habits.

Ditch the whiners
Weed out negative people from your environment. They might be the ones giving you a negative attitude. Offer to identify when they are being contrary, and if they choose not to change, limit your exposure to them. Standing around the photocopier complaining about the boss is not good for your career or your attitude.

Refocus your mind

Find a hobby. Outside interests and regular exercise will boost beneficial chemicals to your brain. You may not think you have time for additional activities, but when you stop second-guessing your decisions, complaining about things beyond your control and feeling sorry for yourself, you'll have renewed energy.

Take stock
Recognize what's good in your life. Take an inventory of your strengths, talents and assets. Keep those positive thoughts foremost in your mind and the negative ones will not have an opportunity to take over.

Of course, you can't always talk yourself out of negativity. Never ignore symptoms that could signal a medical or mental health condition. There are meds that can help restore the chemical balance without adversely impacting your daily activities.

"In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy; to plow your anger and your energy into something positive."
- Lee lacocca

control your negativity
A certain amount of negativity is good. Anxiety helps you detect danger and assess risk factors in any situation. The important thing is to take control and focus on the positive. You can break negative thought patterns and you can get medical help for a chemical imbalance. Change your thinking and you can improve your mental health.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I am relieved....

Although the result is not positive I faced my fear and had to press call and end call for four times before I finally let it ring.

The tone rang and what seemed like ages to me, you picked up the phone. Although it was only a 4 minute conversation. Your sweet 'bye' at the end was worth the fear.

I asked for advice, I was given advice and encouragement in return. I became optimistic, and accepted that I might fail, but went ahead no less.

Now I am relieved, after what you've told me. This time I did not sit down and be depressed all the day, I did something, although nothing really came out of it. I got to know something which relieved me, of un-natural-ness. I get to be myself and learned to accept that I didn't make it. But I made the effort, I'm happy.

So it's time to move on, although I will still be reminded of you, and your never-ending loving-kindness, from time to time.

THANK you.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Grandfather, if I had girls chasing after me too

“who did you like before mama?”

“no one, there was this teacher going after me when I was courting mama, I should’ve chosen her lah, mistake…”

“hah? Why? If you chose her then where got daddy, pak pak, lionel suk suk”

“why cannot, she also can give me the same wert”

”where can lah, you’re not proud of your sons ah? If you’re not I am”

“there was also this Ipoh girl chasing after me also, ask me go out to movies, go and eat with her, but I didn’t entertain her lah”

”Girls chasing after YOU?”

”yeah, what’s wrong?”

”what do they see in you?”

“brilliance, brilliant of a heart”

“HAHAHAHA, brilliance I can accept, brilliant of a heart, you? HAHAHA”

*we reach home, I opened the auto gate to drive my car in, my grandmother walks out*

”Why is that bloody stupid old woman out?”

momentary pause…

“To see you lah…hahahaha”

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I will change

If it makes me worth to be by your side.
I think about you
I dream about you
I miss you.

Just see, I will be a better man(or boy...)

Saturday, November 24, 2007

My 20th birthday

I'm 20. for the first time in my life, I feel like I have friends. Friends who I won't hesitate to speak to. My birthday was on the 20th, I spent my day before that and the day itself in Genting, with a small group of friends, they tried to surprise me when it was near midnight, but things didn't go as planned, I tried to act like I didn't know anything, but I couldn't keep my face straight for 2 seconds. I just laughed when they brought the cake out.

But thanks for putting the effort into doing something like this. I appreciate it, a lot. So they were the first to wish me happy birthday, and I felt lucky to have people celebrate with me...

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The night of my 20th birthday,

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Me making my long birthday wish, forgot to include that I wish I was in love, next year then, haha.
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Then following that I received two birthday wishes from two girls which I didn't expect. I grinned from ear to ear and let out a slight laugh when I read the messages. I was touched that they remembered.

Then my sifu wished me as well, he is a significant person and someone whom I look up to, yet he is humble and doesn't look down on me,an insignificant 20-year old(as of 4 days ago).

Then my high school friend Keith and mr.Daniel Yap, whom I didn't have his number (sorrylah, my old phone got problem)...

It feels nice to be remembered, it feels nice to know that they remember you. It feels nice.

I also got a few presents.

A few which are useful,

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A checkered shirt

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A freaking pressure-washer from my mum,dad,sis, two of my sister's close friends and my bro. Thanks guys! This was freaking expensive!

Some which were funny,

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note: my kukuchiao is well IN order

And one which was sweet and meaningful,

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:) :) :) :) :)


I think this was the most surprising one, a book given by someone who recognized my unspoken need. The gift was very thoughtful, I realllly love it, thank you.... Crap, now that I know she will read this, I can't say things I want to say anymore.

The book is easy to read, some stories are heart-warming, but it makes me think, what if love doesn't exist.
Can people survive without being in love with another?

'Love makes the world goes round' I know, but I haven't experienced that myself, yet. Right now it feels like the world can go round without love. But when a girl that my friend is deeply in love with is gone(as in cannot see or talk to in person anymore), he feels like there is no purpose to wake up everyday. There is no motivation to do anything, because ultimately what he does is for her, and when she's gone, everything is meaningless, but her. I think that's how he feels, and must feel pretty devastated at that time.

I'd like to feel the same way too, being so deeply in love with someone. What's stopping me? what is the wall?

fear of rejection?
fear of commitment?
fear of self-imperfection?

I would say all of it. I'm a lazy-ass self-centered bugger. I'd like to change that before I allow myself to be in love with someone. Or is that even possible, I'm not very wise...

To anyone who is in love at the moment, a poem from the book written by Melissa Collete.


You are all of this to me


You’re the thought that starts each morning,
The conclusion to each day.
You are in all that I do,
And everything I say.

You’re the smile on my face,
The twinkle in my eye.
The warmth inside my heart,
The fullness in my life.

You’re the hand that’s laced in mine,
And the coat upon my back.
My friend, my love,
My shoulder to lean on.

You’re my silly, mature, caring,
Thoughtful, bright and honest guy.
The one who holds me tightly,
When I need to cry.

You’re the dimple in my cheek,
The ever-constant tingle in my soul.
The voice that makes me weak,
The happiness of my life.

You are all I’ve wanted,
You are all I need,
You are all I‘ve dreamed of,
You are all of this to me.

"I Luv U" by The Ordinary Boys


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*get out of me, ego, out, out, out!*

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Congratulations Izso!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May your marriage be filled with LOVE and HAPPINESS buddy!!!
wooo hoooooooooooo!

your little presentation was very funny btw haha

Here's you in your jag
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and you walking across the dining hall
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were you nervous? kekekeke....

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I want to be . . .

A person with

unlimited compassion,

unlimited patience,

and unlimited humility.


A person who

does not procrastinate

is not materialistic

is wise.



Current Score

Compassion : 5/10
Patience : 3/10
Humility : 1.5/10
Un-procrastinator : -9999999999/10
Un-materialistic : 7/10
Wisdom : 1/10

Yup un-procrastinator -99999999999. I didn't prepare for one of my papers and didn't prepare for the tutorials during the whole semester for that subject (commercial banking) and skipped that paper cause I wouldn't even know what to write. So I ahve to graduate half a year late. Hah, so much for wanting to do masters. Don't think it's for someone of my caliber.
The thought of 'am I doing what I like' has been in my head off and on for a while. I don't think I really like to be someone who works in a bank. I'm not good with calculation and maths, or numbers.
Things I would love to learn and do is probably cooking, or painting. But it's too late to change now.
Final paper on Monday, I think this semester I'm going to fail two papers, have been slacking the whole semester. Hoping time would rewind and give me a fresh start.

If I can't get my priorities straight and become the un-procrastinator I want to be, no more detailing for me for 2008. This whole semester was almost all about detailing and less about studying, I didn't prioritize, never thought about the consequences of procrastinating a few hours a day, which adds up to... alot of lost time.

Kenneth, when are you going to realise the importance of this?

My dad asked me, "Ken, when are you going to start financing the family? two years from now? 3-4 years from now?"

The thought of it scares me, I wish I don't have to. I don't want to. I don't think I can. What if I can't earn as much as my dad does?

Will I be a disappointment to him?

I wish I was more appreciative of money and be pressured to earn them. I'm a spoiled child.

Sigh.

Current & near future agenda,
- last minute study for final economics paper, multinational trade & investment.
- Then it's detail mum's ride to prepare it for izso's wedding day.
- Then detail his wedding car the Jaguar XK8
- His wedding day.
- Meet up with forummers from Meguiar's Malaysia to 'demo' rotary buffing.
- Summer class to re-take Business Law
- Arrange detail dates with few customers and relatives
- Re-spray test panel to attempt wetsanding to remove orange peel.
- Start 2008 as the most un-procrastinating person I can be!

Gave my engine bay a good cleaning and dressing.
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I wish I can be like this bicycle's lamp reflector. Always looking up and not looking down.
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Rusty bike
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Used to use this to cycle from BU11 to Damansara Jaya to the Cyber Cafe when daddy and mummy banned me from using the PC.

mama, see the sadness in her eyes. She never seems happy nowadays.
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Although my grandfather has the wisdom, knowledge, etiquette, etc. He isn't a very loving person.
My grandmother the opposite, loving person, but not much etiquette and can sometimes be very emotional, omg I just realised she passed it down to me.
And my critical nature is from my grandpa. ... noooooooo.
I wish my mama's sons were more, compassionate towards her. Like today she had to go to the dentist, she asked my uncle to fetch her to DU to get it fixed, he wasn't free, which he always is when it comes to fetching my grandma to some place.

"I NOT FREE LAH, DON'T ASK ME TO SEND YOU TO ANYWHERE"

a devout Christian, *scoff*.

So she had to walk out of the house to the main road which was quite far to get a taxi. Midway it rained, and all wet. haih...

My grandfather treats mama the same way to. This afternoon and went into my sister's room, she has a whiteboard where she contengs stuff and writes memos on it. My grandpa wrote there, "I find greater treasure GIVING than receiving"

*critical mode on*

what a hypocrite. Charity begins at home old man! what's the use if you donate to charity homes outside when you treat your wife at home like this.

And also there's this guy, whom made a mistake which made me swore not to ever associate with him again. Then one day I forgave him in my prayers. and today he is still persistent and does something which he is not supposed to do, how can you forgive someone who repeatedly makes the same 'mistake'.

erggh....

*critical mode off*


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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Prayer of Compassion

May I become at all times, both now and forever,

A protector for those without protection,

A guide for those who have lost their way,

A ship for those with oceans to cross,

A bridge for those with rivers to cross,

A sanctuary for those in danger,

A lamp for those without light,

A place of refuge for those who lack shelter,

And a servant for all in need.


- His Holiness The Dalai Lama
Ancient Wisdom, Modern World

I recite this when I start to think highly of myself or when ego kicks in, helps so far.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Overwhelmed

Lately, a few things have made me feel overwhelmed. *I am not myself in this post*

1. My detailing blog has brought me a bit of attention, there have been a few people messaging me in forums, a few e-mailing me, a few sms-ing me to request for my detailing services. I am grateful for that but most of the time feel insecure for bringing total strangers to where I live, also for the noise my machine makes , disturbs the neighbours. Well they haven't really complained, and when I asked them if it was noisy or not, they said it was okay, continue the work. Means they did not say it was not noisy, they just trying to be nice and friendly neighbours. Huge respect for them and the family for their tolerance. I feel overwhelmed by the detailing requests and I have to arrange the dates for each of them (less than ten requests) but that time I will be taking my summer classes for a subject I failed(re-taking), so a bit overwhelmed with the studying and the detailing, but excited for trying to get myself to be a perfectionist at the same time. Also trying to redeem myself from missing a few 'spots' on my latest Subaru detail.

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A dream car


2. My final exams, starts on tuesday and I have been majorly slacking throughout my whole semester, So I'm trying to cover 13 weeks of stuff over the course of a few days. Well I had a month before this and I have been procrastinating, I was persistent a few days back when I unlpugged my computer in my room, but now plugged it back to contact a few of my potential customers and have been procrastinating through youtube and detailing forums(do not blame this on your customers Kenneth! when will you learn to take 100% responsibility of your life?)

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Hot chocolate makes a good study companion

3. I plan to do my Masters course in Monash Australia after I graduate with my degree, I got highly motivated after talking to Zey and his experience of doing his Masters in UK. Then I told my dad and mom about my plans, and they supported me. Which made me happy and motivated me to do well in my upcoming exam. But when I told the plan to my no-nonsense-face-the-reality grandfather, ... "Got so much money ah?"
So i told him the fees is AUD24,200 and cost of living is probably AUD 50,000 and then I said exchange rate is AUD 1 =RM 2 (My ignorance being a finance student), "EXCUSE ME, the exchange rate is now 3.4!" (which is actually 3.03 yesterday when I checked at www.x-rates.com).
So this morning while I was sleeping he left me a note of his calculation for cost of living in Australia, which i can hardly decipher.

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He writes perfectly when he writes a cheque, but not now

I think it is 25 AUD for food times 31 days. Rental is AUD 400 per week x 4 = AUD 1600 per month + I think it looks like bills = AUD 2000 total. and student earnings while working on saturday and sunday. 2 weekends, 14 hours per week for 20 hours...wait....i can't read his hand writing, at the end it's supposed to be me earning AUD 196 per week.

So expenses per month are

Food - RM 2348.25
Rental - RM6,060
less working 4 weekends - (RM2375.52)
-------------------------------------------
Total Expenses : RM 6032.73 x 18 months (the course is 1.5 years)

= RM 108,589.14 + course fee( AUD24,200 x 3.03)
= RM 181,915.14.
-------------------------------------------

Total expense for doing a masters course in Monash Australia is RM 181,915.14

and when my materialistic side kicks in...I could almost be driving a brand new Subaru Impreza WRX! (which costs RM185,704.80) I would give anything to drive a better car than my Wira right now. My wira with 13 inch wheels which understeers like crap and slides around on wet road like ice skates on ice, a body which rolls around in corners which makes you think if you are sitting in a boat than a car, water that drips down on hot days in the passenger foot area because of the air-con, paint that is so thin you could see the old paint under the new paint and metal showing on the edges of some panels due to my over-polishing, front bumper falling off, headlamps with fungus growing in it, the list goes on. ( Kenneth, appreciate that your parents can afford to give you a car to drive )

4. Grey's anatomy, I look forward to watch an episode or two while I have my lunch, procrastinating... But it's so hard to resist, I love this show, it's smart and it moves you the way it wants to. There was one episode which made me tear. I'm not gay, the word is emotional. Right now nothing beats an afternoon of lunch and Grey's anatomy.

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Maid's fish porridge


5. I was looking through my safe box the other day and found my old Ragnarok Online credit cards.

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Lots of money wasted here


Boy, those were the days, in form 5, I was so into the game because you get to play a character and there are males and females in the game. I remembered when the game was in beta and it was free, and I was an archer, and I was talking/flirting with this cute archer girl on cliffs of Payon overlooking the sea or lake below, I was in love with her, well her character anyway. Then when my friends started playing it, we would talk about it during recess or when we meet up. At one time we also argued over the game because I started 'botting'. Botting is when you use an illegal program which helps you play your character, so you don't have to do the tedious killing monsters to hunt for rare items or level up. So they were mad at me and I think we didn't talk for sometime because I was 'cheating' And after a few days-weeks. They friggin started botting too, which kinda angered me since they were dissing about me botting and now they were botting. But we were young (not that we are not now, just younger than now), and we probably weren't the most mature people, ok maybe they were and I am the one who is not. Anyway we've grown I guess and we're cool although they think I'm gay. ....those fuckers... ^^v

6. I was sending my neighbour home one day, and our topic turned to gfs and bfs...or something. I was making a statement that good girls don't like good guys and she said I was wrong. I kept saying I was right, probably because I think I am a good guy and nobody likes me. And she says how do you know if nobody likes you? maybe they do but they don't tell you. So I said nobody'll like me, or at least I can't imagine that to be, which was veerrry negative of me ( I know you are thinking I am insecure now for thinking like this). So I asked "Am I a good guy?", she said "yes", knowing that she's a good girl, my mind was asking "Do you like me?" hahahaha.
But I couldn't say that obviously because we didn't like each other, or at least I know she doesn't, I probably infatuate her at times, but that's about it. *hope she doesn't read this* **if you do, I'd like you to know that you're very cute** (dude, "you got issues", to quote my sister)
So I told this to another friend of mine who also said good girls DO like good guys, which set me straight as I know her bf, which was totally(bimbos like to use this on TV right) a good guy. So I guess good girls DO like good guys. I like bimbos with a slim body and long straight hair. *to good girls out there reading this, if any : I could like you too, even if you don't have a slim body and long straight hair*.

7. I was a bit angry at my grandmother yesterday and this morning because she kept asking me to fetch her around to do this and that. I was angry because she doesn't plan this and asks people who HAS plans to do stuff spontaneously. I was frustrated, so I slept in the afternoon yesterday till this morning. And this morning when she left a cup of one of her brews/concoctions in my room, I was angry because she always makes these stuff and always asks/force me to drink them. I put it outside my room and left it there. Being frustrated with her, I quickly bath and packed my study stuff and headed for my University to use their library(they are open on Sundays), when I reached there, the parking lot was empty so made a U-turn and head home, didn't want people to think I am weird for being the only one to study there(insecurity). While driving fast with Sum41 blasting reasonably loud to let go of my angst, I was shuffling in and out of traffic to get ahead of the slow cars, at one time I came out almost too near to a Toyota Vios behind me, I think he horned, but not sure with all the emotions and thoughts go through my mind. Then I felt sorry, that I made that mistake. And also for the mistake that I got angry over my grandmother for not accepting the way she is. So I bought some McD breakfast and went home, also felt sorry on they way because my selfishness didn't ask me to buy some McD breakfast for my bro and sis as they would much prefer them over chinese food for breakfast. When I went home, I saw the right of my grandmother's eye was dark-red dark-blue (not blue-black) because the mirror of a lorry hit her. Karma was wrong, it was supposed to hit me and not her because she didn't make any mistakes, I did. Her eyesight is deteriorating, but thankfully, karma also knows that it was too soon for her to lose her eyesight and the mirror of the lorry didn't hit her eye. Sorry mama.


Procrastinating...

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"I have a clear line of fire! Give me the shot! Give me the shot!


"Execute"



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"Shot fired. Target hit"

something is wrong with me

Something is wrong with me, a few days ago, I wish I had brain cancer and it was inoperatable and I just die.

I stare into space for half a day. Idle. And then, I had hope, I felt that there is still hope. It is still not too late. So I fought.

Now I wish I had brain cancer, and just die.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Monday, October 15, 2007

old posts hahaha

fucker my old posts damn fucking fake and bad, and rascsisct...how to spell...
race-ist, racecist...RACSISCT fucker still got the red wavy underline means wrong spelling....
RACSICT <--WTF?? still wrong?

rascist
rasist
racist <-- YES BINGO! DING DING DING

look at this post

http://ithasbeenyears.blogspot.com/2006/03/dear-officer.html

apologies to muslim readers in advance.

that was so curseful.. but I like it, that was before me reading any self-help books, before me thinking before I respond, that was when I don't give a fuck(yeah I could've said damn but I like to say fuck, FUCK (oh it feels so good) ). I just respond.

Who cares if the outcome was good or bad, I didn't give a fuck, which soon made me realised that it was egoistic, I guess in some peoples eye, I like me when I was me last time..hehe who cares what people thinks about you, you go kenneth! yeah fuck it, fuck them, yeah doggie style them, fuck em hard OH YEAH.

And my old posts are about what I did during the day, and how I saw things during that day, or something like that, a bit boring but I like it, and none of that inspirational, self-help crap I'm worried about now anyways.

If I had wisdom, I'll probably be looking at myself as immature and childish.

let's call the wise me mr.W and the who gives crap me, mr.K, cuz that' who I am.
W : you son, are childish and immature, I forgive you for you do not know your mistake.
K : Oh go fuck an elephant and cum into his trunk, who cares if I'm immature and childish, I LIKE it the way I WANT it.
W : That is selfish, satisfying your own needs rather than the societies.
K : Oh fuck the society, if they don't like me for who I am right now, then DON'T
W : Please, Mr.K, don't you want to be loved?
K : Of course I do!
W : To be loved, you first have to GIVE love.
K : I sure as hell fucking can, I can fucking make love to the society, oh yeah bitch, come fuck me...
W : You sound like you have a lot of anger, don't you want to feel peaceful.
K : Fuck the peace, peace is boring, I like it hard to the core.
W : please, feel the peace, achieve nirvana, let's close our eyes and meditate.
K : wuttha FFFF, are you FUCKING INSANE?? WTF???????
W : Shhh, feel the peace, the silence and be calm.
*ran out of ideas*
the end

oh yesterday I went to "Gau Wong Yeh" this nine emperor gods thing, and there was this huge-fucking-chicken-ass chart which shows what each mole on your face/body represent.

Two moles on my face represented ~perniagaan merosot~ and ~susah mencari rezeki~

and the one on my right arm which really hit it on the nail was ~percintaan terhancur~

so damn fucking true....so I was telling a friend that I should buang my tahi lalat so that I could have a gf, woohooo.

but of course being a wise and practical person he always is, he told me that I should accept the way it is and work harder...

LAZY laaa....just pay rm10, throw the fly shit away and fuck some gfs dawg..woohoo...

to potential GFs reading this, sorry I'm an innocent, honest and sincere person, I won't dare to fuck you because I have the most respect for you, sorry, I would love you day and night.

*hmmm something in my head, I should blog like a have a girlfriend, since people with gfs and bfs blog about each other's bfs and gfs...hmm I should, just to see how it feels like, to have a gf maybe, hahaha neat idea, my next post would be me going out with my gf, no first announcement that I have a gf, who cares lah if people think I'm nuts, percintaan terhancur anyways*

yah....and.....*yawns.... 12.18am shit gotta go bath make me some coffee and stay up through the night to finished up my assignment.

oh yeah something to be pissed about. at my fucking self for being last minute (i'm totally doing it again). I messed up my previous assignment and it was remarked as unacceptable by my tutor and says that I have to do it again. because of my fucking procrastination, fucking no drive for my studies, I gotta delay my revision for fucking this....oh fucker...

and was joking with another friend that our tutor is very bitchy because he check every sentence whether they are from the article that you cite.
wtf, he's a turkish you see, so I said why don't you fucking go back to turkey and dance in a fucking gay bar screaming GOBBLE GOBBLE at yer gay audience....fucker.

yeah why I procrastinated now, because a one day detail unexpectedly turned to a two day detail.

god, let me survive this night, and have officially given up on chasing any girls or falling in love because my mole tells me that I have percintaan terhancur, until the mole disappears, I shall have no gf, except for an imaginary one which is to come in the next post(kekekeke). If my mole stays with me till I'm 80, I shall be a bachelor for life.

yawns..FUCKING ASSIGNMENT ARGGGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGH....... GO

Saturday, October 13, 2007

.

Positive positive, I will stay positive...
i'm singing my positive song....

positive, positive, I will stay positive, eventhough I made a mistake

Cranberries - Animal Instinct




Suddenly something has happened to me
As I was having my cup of tea
Suddenly I was feeling depressed
I was utterly and totally stressed
Do you know you made me cry
Do you know you made me die

And the thing that gets to me
Is you’ll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I’ll always be in doubt
It is a lovely thing that we have
It is a lovely thing that we
It is a lovely thing, the animal
The animal instinct

So take my hands and come with me
We will change reality
So take my hands and we will pray
They won’t take you away
They will never make me cry, no
They will never make me die
And the thing that gets to me
Is you’ll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I’ll always be in doubt

The animal, the animal,
The animal instinct in me
It’s the animal, the animal,
The animal instinct in me
It’s the animal, it’s the animal,
It’s the animal instinct in me x2

Friday, October 12, 2007

Sigh

Because his hair is spiky so he is cooler than me is it.
Because his car is newer than mine so nicer to sit in is it.
Because he wears black and I wear all the gay coloured shirts is it.
Sigh, why am I feeling jea-fucking-lous, I don't even know that guy...erghhhhhhhhhh...

bloody you wait la, I dye my hair, spike it up, wear some accessories, change my clothing go to gym 10 times a day, eat 6 egg whites every day, see you come to me or not.... knn....

argh..why am I feeling slightly emo when I shouldn't....stupid infatuation(FUCKING AGAIN)!!!.....fucking no balls, fucking so easy to like people for fucking what, fucking shit fuck. Fucking sensitive fuck.

Grow some balls and get a life...

Monday, October 01, 2007

Is it me or....

...Am I a fecking DISNEY WHORE!!!
I feckin' love this song!

Yeah I know she's Hannah Montana, I got her album!

Some photos I took for fun.

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After adjusting brightness, contrast and saturation thanks to Gary's(Dxtaz) advice.
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Saturday, September 29, 2007

People that you don't like

I have a few, let me begin by saying that you woke up early in the morning and smiley and cheery, the feeling that this is gonna be a good day, you wash up, had a good breakfast, and decide to catch up on what's going on on your favourite forum.

You go there, and then you begin opening some interesting threads, and some members post stuff with arrogance, polluting the atmosphere of the forum. Their negative posts spreads on to you, if I hadn't opened and read that, I would still be happy and cheery, now I read that idiot's post, I just feel like flaming him, often times I opened an add reply box and typed to my heart's content, but finally just closed the window without posting what I typed.

And then there are some people whom you may have a personal conflict with, actually is me. Well I don't have a conflict with him, but he does with me, I think. He posts,

"fren who betrayed me when i thought he could be trusted..fcuk!"

I assume that friend is me, because if I were in his shoes, I would feel the same about myself. It's a long story and rather personal so I wouldn't talk about it here. People's words don't speak what their hearts feel sometimes.
I don't understand and cannot comprehend their behaviour, I agree that sometimes I could be like that, saying things without thinking, saying with my emotions, and not with my heart and mind, but soon I realise and regret.
But the person that you are saying these too have permanently marked you and remembered what you said to him or her. How would the opposite party know that you have realised and regret? If you had in the first place.

And if people's behaviour/character/personality doesn't appeal to you, you just have to accept it. You cannot change people's behaviour, unless that person HIMSELF is WILLING to change.
You don't like him or her because he/she is this and that, you rant about it(I'm doing it now), but what does that help?

nothing.

You can't change them, why bother with their inferior behaviour, ignore their messages, let them be who they want to be, let them face the consequences of their own behaviour.

I've learned not too long ago that you cannot please everyone, I always never wanted to get on anybody's bad side, but the world is not always filled with good people. A bhuddist book says that we are all equal, I interpret the meaning as, for someone's bad quality, he would have an equally good quality to offset his bad quality.

The people whom you know that have the bad quality, you may not know his good quality, I don't like the person that posted "fren who betrayed me when i thought he could be trusted..fcuk!". Yet I do not know him good enough of his equally good qualities, I try not to, not like him although I have sworn that I would never associate with this type of person again. You can't please everyone.

I learned that you have to cut off some relationships. Let them hate you, let them dislike you.

====================================
It is better to be hated, then to hate.
====================================

When you hate, you are poisoning yourself, you destroy your ownself. So I think it's best that you don't hate, and accept people's behaviour, accept them for who they are and what they are. If you don't like them, ignore them, don't hate them. Don't let people's words influence you.

phew...glad I got rid of that hatred feeling after writing this post. Time to go get some GOOD breakfast! woohooo

==========================================
You can't appreciate the good without the bad
==========================================

and also a principle that I'd always stick by is

=============================================
Honesty is always and will always be the best policy.
=============================================

p.s I'm hooked onto this song! from high school musical 2!


and my version ><
Have an absolutely terrific day to you! Come to me if you have troubles because I care, or I try to. HAHA! Love you XOXO (<-- wtf..LoL) sayonara.


*Edited in the evening after seeing izso's post on his personality type. This is mine.
You Are An ISFP

The Artist

You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.
Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

In love, you are quiet and sweet yet very passionate. You love easily.
You have an underlying love for all living things, and it's easy for you to accept someone into your heart.

At work, you do best in an unconventional position. You express yourself well and can work with almost anyone.
You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

How you see yourself: Sympathetic, kind, and communicative

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, insecure, and overly sensitive

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Ego has kicked in

When you start thinking highly of yourself, when you start looking down on others, so will they.

When you stop caring for others, so will they.

When you start being selfish, they will turn away.

When you think that all the attention is on you, when it is actually not, ego has kicked in.

Ego has kicked in when you stop being considerate; stop being caring; stop respecting; stop understanding and stop listening.

When you are not there for others, they won't be there for you.

I've realised that, ego is not the same as arrogance. Arrogance is speaking out loud, saying without thinking, showing off. I'm a show off...
when I do something, I always think if someone was going to watch me do this, listen to me say this. I'm an attention seeker.

Like now, when you start typing with the mindset that someone is going to read this. The post will be unnatural...and fake... and dishonest(I try not to be).
I've always respected people who have always retained their humility when they are successful.
i want to be down to earth... I don't want to show off.
When I drive I will do this and that, hoping other drivers will see how "good" I am. Egoistical mindset.

When you think many people like you, ego has kicked in. When you stop liking people because you expect them to like you, you are egoistic.

I am now egoistic.
I have stopped liking others.
I have stopped caring for others.
I have stopped putting myself in others' shoes.
I need to change back, again... Now I'm back to square ONE.

humility, humility, humility

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Old School!

Power Rangers Theme Song


Power Rangers Guitar Cover


p.s Ego is kicking in

Sunday, September 09, 2007

I'm So Pretty

Happy Birthday Mummy... I Love you!

I love your new dress even more.

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Sexy Lady and Macho Macho Man

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Am I prettier than Natalie Fong?
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Racing with a Satria Neo

This post was written three days ago, published today

So, me and my friend finished our class and decided to eat lunch together. Our campus' cafeteria was full, as always during lunchtime, we went to Sunway Pyramid to eat. Being our usual indecisive self, we decided that it has to be either Pizza Hut, KFC or Mcdonalds. I said I duwun Pizza Hut, next was his decision, he chose KFC.

"Hahaha, good, actually I also want KFC"

"Then say earlier lahh!"

LoL.

So we go KFC and we both ordered their fish and chips, which suck. We both went to Kentucky Fried CHICKEN, to eat fish, when Long John's Silver is just three stores away. -.-; !!! swt...

After eating, we went to the new arcade upstairs and played initial D. I played I think about 5 rounds together, with me being the obvious winner =P (Who cares about Humility, Fuck It! Nyahaha I have a small mind, suck my balls and eat my dick) After he left, I played about 4 rounds more alone. Then went home

At the exit of Sunway Pyramid. There was this Satria Neo, we both had to look left and right for traffic to turn to the same junction. When traffic was clear, being the humble guy that I am =P, I let him go first. It was an irridescent white Neo with twin muffler tips in the middle instead of the single tipped standard one, with a pro-hatch and kakimotor sticker at the back.

So as usual, I drove at my normal pace (slightly faster than traffic) e also drove like that. I decided to follow him, we both just want to go home, quickly. Then he started to weave in and out of traffic, and being the humble guy that I am, it will be rude to decline his 'invitation'. So I followed him. ^^

This initiated the race, from Sunway Pyramid, using NKVE, he exited to Damansara while I headed for Kota Damansara. Most of the roads were straight, and the rest are high speed bends, my weakness since I have no anti-roll bars and only running on 13 inch wheels.

One thing I noticed was, his 110bhp 16V DOHC campro engine wasn't particularly fast. It could be an auto transmission, but most people that drive like that whom I know of, drive manual transmission, except for Izso, hehe. The Neo didn't pull away from me, maybe he is just 1-2 km/h faster. That's it. Compared to the Toyota Vios, damn the Vios was quick! and it's auto!!
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The vios on paper has same bhp with the campro but the Vios was hell alot quicker than the the Neo.

On the long bends I couldn't see the Neo, I think it handles very well. ARB, good rigid chassis, decent sized wheels, but the campro engine was a let down.
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1.6L 16V DOHC vs. my 1.3L 12V SOHC was keeping up with it, on low ends. He may have the top speed advantage, I have the power-to-weight ratio advantage. Now making me think twice if I should really go for the Proton Persona 1.6 M/T M-Line, actually made the booking already, but canceled coz :
  1. I want to wait for in-depth reviews of the car
  2. Speculate the rumors of the implementation of Cam Profile Switching(CPS) and Variable Intake Manifold(VIM) in the Waja in October.
  3. Grandpa advised me not to stretch my dad's expenses any further.
Oh at one point of the race I was thinking to myself, what if there was a cop, I checked my mirrors and blind spots to confirm, then two seconds later, I spotted one, about 100m away, I braked and followed traffic speed. The Neo didn't see the cop cause he just kept pushing, then I saw his brake lights come on, right behind the police, LoL! We go to the Damansara Toll, while the police headed for the Subang Airport road. Now we was already 100m away from me, there was a long bend behind the toll. I took the corner up to my tyre's limits, when reach the toll, he was already at the Smart Tag. The Neo can really take bends!!! Now I'm thinking to myself, A Satria Neo GTI would be the perfect car, good handling, killer looks(to me) and a powerful engine. The Persona's body is huge and tall and only on 15 inch wheels, definitely would loss to a Neo in a race, cornering, and in a drag(Persona is heavier)

Oh I broke my speed record, reached 175km/h when me, the Neo and a modified Volvo was blocked by a stupid Waja that refused to move. What a fun day! Initial D, the Neo, so suitable to end the day playing with my new polish. But I have an assignment to do ARRGGGHH!!

edit : I did played with the polish, which was procrastination and made me rushed my assignment, haha. Dumbo.