Saturday, January 13, 2007

life's in the pits

lately, my inner dialogue has been bringing me down...

"I'm not gonna get a girl..."
"No one loves me..."
"To be loved, you have to love"
"I know"
"that's why..."

these thoughts are like on replay over and over all day...
mr.self-help-book-reader here who thinks he's got all the positive thinking thing in his head now ain't so positive anymore.

life's in the pits....

it's hard to get these thoughts outta my head...
everytime I erase them, they'll come back again,
the more I think about them the deeper the dig into my brain, (hey that rhymed)

I went on a trip yesterday with a group of highschool friends whom are all great people

one has great enthusiasm and sincerity,
one has enthusiasm, kindness and is caring,
two of whom are down to earth and doesn't give a fuck about what other ppl thinks,
one is tactful, sweet, and nice
one knows the right things to say at the right time,

I wish I had any one of those qualities.
I tried to be enthusiastic, it lasted about a day,
I tried to be kind and caring, but my 'want-face' attitude showed that it was rather fake,
same goes to being down-to-earth...



yapster said...

You are enthustiastic, caring and considerate.

Enthustiastic because youre very enthustiastic about your detailing.
Caring cuz i've seen how you've cared for how people feel. Don't lie lah..its not a "want-face" thing to not be caring are caring.
and Considerate. yes, always think of how others feel. thats a good thing.

And Your WHOLE family loves you,Jesus loves you. So do i, IN A HEALTHY, people dont have to say "i love you" for you to know that they love you rite? sometimes they show it thru actions. Everyone has their "love language". some just isnt thru verbalising. Some do it by actions, some even do it by being mean. weird but true. So yeah, before you go on thinking no one loves you, remember that your friends do. i cant say all but MOST of them do.Just that they dont tell you. aft you "want-face" then say they're gay lar...

So yup, cheer up lar...dont so sad. Elmo loves you..wth..

izso said...

Wake up dude.

Sometimes it's not what you perceive of yourself, it's what others perceive of you. And I perceive your non pretentious person is perfectly fine. No need to try. Sometimes when you try too hard, it gets tiring.

You want a girl? Easy, don't try too hard and dress up for the occassion. Slick your hair back and just ask "Do you like yours shaken.... or stirred" (then do the eyebrow thing). Sure to get attention - negative or otherwise.

Stop taking yourself so seriously and chill out a bit dude. All work and no play make Fishy a dull boy.

adriAn said...

eh bro y la like that?
you've got great values too k..
u're straightforward, trustworthy, dependable and lots more. If i were to write an essay of nice things about you i would need an 80gig hard disk to save it la.

to tell you the truth i was influenced by your super fun and outgoing and sporting attitude. Don't change man!

Jian said...

i wanted to start with the word "pussy" hahah but doesnt suit the occasion i guess lol! but heck! don't la emo, we go ta kei k, i let you pawn me in Dota, come to think about it, i dont need to let you pawn me, cause u memang can pawn my arse, then later we go foos k, you pants kao me... 9 -0 then if still unhappy, then we go "massage parlour" wink* i pay for you lor. If that not enough, then i ask albert to strip for us k! i know you want albert right!! LOL

Jian said...

oh yeah on a more serious note, dude, you gotta stop being so tense !!! i mean, remember what we talk in the car! just lighten up and take things as it comes, dont OVER-ANALYSIZE everything! Take things with a dose of humour and chill out!

YOUR FUCKING FINE THE WAY YOU ARE! no shit! i am not saying that just to make you happy.... i fcuking mean it

Kenneth said...

thanks for all ur concern,
I've put it all behind the day after I wrote this pose, I woke up with a positive attitude and remained that way the whole day. :)

Thanks dude, dun worry I won't call u gay if u DO tell me u love me, subconcsiously. But I'll immediately react "WTF GAY SHIT" u said, HAHA.

shaken or stirred? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! thanks, I got ur advice, guess I was trying to hard to be good at EVERYTHING.

yo buddy...thanks for telling me that I have values...
and really 80 gig?...I'm so touched (not sarcasm) , :'( ...

Thanks for the support, I'll remember!

Izso said...

Yeah man. Don't TRY to be nice.. just be relaxed and respond however you feel necessary. Trying just makes it very unnatural.

And looks is important, soup up on your looks and it'll do wonders. Heck, try gym-ming a bit too!

Li San said...

Don't know you well enough to judge, kenneth, but one little question...

If you can't be happy by yourself, what actually makes you think that you will be happy with someone else?

Think about it. =)

Oh btw, good things usually come when you least expect it to. =)

Kenneth said...

Li San,

>>>If you can't be happy by yourself, what actually makes you think that you will be happy with someone else?<<<

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, I thought that at the time of this post, I want to be loved and cherished by others.
Know I know I am, the numbers may not be many, but it's well enough for me to know that I am. and for that I appreciate them.

Kenneth said...

don't know if you read this but this is what I believe la...
I'd rather attract a girl for my personality/attitude rather than my looks(If I had any, HAHA)
about gymming...hmmm...sometimes feel lazy, dad wanted to go together with me. but havent' try it out yet.
Maybe some HIKING would help? hehe