Friday, August 31, 2007

Merdeka Eve

"any plans for tonight Kenneth?"

"dun think so, stay at home I guess"

to avoid the traffic jams and the hassle of celebrating and such...
then My sis wanted to go to The Curve, for the countdown/celebration. which me, my dad and my mom objected coz it's too dangerous and it would be difficult to fetch her back because the traffic just wouldn't move around that area when everyone wants to go home at the same time.

Then she must be so sad and then finally my dad let her go, so I had to take her there, which I first initially object since I absolutely hate to get into troublesome situations. So I brought her there, parked the car far away, and walked with her to The Curve to meet her friends.

That time I called a friend and she told me that 2 friends (both girls) would be there, which I would be happy to see (normally). So I called one of the girls, she told me she's going to pick up the other girl and then I asked her who is going, firstly is teh other girl and her bf(obviously) and then it's her and...another guy(which is just a friend, and maybe something more I assume, don't assume, when you ASSume, you make an ASS of yourself).

So of course the normal thing every guy would do is to join your friends and hang out with them, since you'll be alone for the rest of the night. I wasn't trying to be an introvert but told them that I was going to see other friends, which is quite obvious to them that it's fake coz I don't want to be the odd one out.
I mean if I were one of the guys, I wouldn't want another guy that we didn't invite to barge in on our 'double date' right. I'm not ranting or complaining, just expressing my point of view.

So I went to watch a movie alone (Impak Maksima, will explain in a short while). First time watching a movie alone, and my friend was right, it feels weird when the movie ticket seller asks

"How many?"

"one"

movie-ticket-seller thinks : *man, what a low-life depressing kid*

yea anyway i do like to be alone, you don't have to worry about people's feelings, you don't have to think how to say the right things, or act right, you can just be yourself and do whatever you want. being alone rocks.

Well after the movie, which was okay and was weird as you can hear people commenting and the malays kickin' your seat behind you without any consideration, not being racist..but yeah.
So after the movie, I had nothing to do for half an hour, till 12 midnight, when the fireworks begin.

I just walk around myself, enjoying the fact that I can go anywhere, wherever I want, don't have to think of what to say to anyone....as I walk and explore the booths and every corner of the area, half an hour has gone, the fireworks started, it was beautiful...and loud.

I stood there, looking up in the sky, and slowly felt the loneliness creeping into me, I wish I had a friend there so I can scream, or someone that I can comment to about the fireworks.

after the fireworks, I just wandered somewhere and sat down. Watching groups of people walk by, then suddenly being alone was...lonely. You see people laugh, you see people runnin' around, and you just sit there, watching. Wishing that there was somebody to talk to...

So I just sat there, and day dream, and stared into space...and was silent for the 45 minutes, when my surrounding is filled with noise, chatter and laughter.

This isn't suppose to be sad because it's not a very sad thing, it's just....loneliness.
When I am around friends, I wish I was alone.
When I'm alone, well it's okay....but then after long periods I realize, alone, can be, lonely.

anyway later I called my sis, we walked to the car and went home.

yawnzz.....sigh.

To conclude, I have :

  • No self-confidence
  • No Self-esteem
  • No character
Why? because if I have those? I would be comfortable being myself in front of my friends.
Which is also a reason why I like detailing, when I detail, I get the feeling that I am doing something right, the feeling that I know what I'm doing, the confidence that what I do is good.

But have no confidence in any other thing I do.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Monash Motorshow

First of all, sorry no pictures.
Being a car freak, the show was fun at the beginning but starts to get boring in the end,

highlights to me were

1) A Putra spitting out huge balls of flames, and made its rear skirting caught fire and the owner had to pour some water over the muffler, lol.

2) The drifting, 180sx some old old cars which I don't know the model, damn that one really set my heart, I just can't stop smiling seeing them go sideways, but then it got boring slowly coz they're all doing the same thing. There's also a rear-wheel drive Proton Perdana

3) Ferrari 355, it was only there to show, but I was early and saw it slowly came in and parking under the canopy, although it doesn't sound as godly as the F430 I've encountered before on the road. IT WAS PURE CAR EXHAUST PORN ORGASMIC!!!! argghh...damn.....seriously was the best sounding thing over there, better than all the woofers and loud muffles. Ferrari...

4) Natalie Fong!!!!!~~~~~~~~ Cuteness, pretty-ness everything, this pic's a bit blur but man I've fallen for her. I know this is materialistic(*very*) but I'm a sucker for pretty faces and I'm in love with her, ooo Natalie~

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Hopefully my wife won't be someone whom I've materialistically fallen for...else I'll be doomed.
but damn...

Natalie...

Hypertune Gallery - Natalie Fong

Kenny Yeoh - Natalie Fong

Natalie's Blog

I'm such a stalker

I lub you Natalie~

Monday, August 13, 2007

Sunday 12.05 am


I am still critical.

I am still arrogant.

When it comes to socializing, I’m a piece of shit, I can’t be alone when I’m around others, with some exceptions. So to those who can still bear with me, thank you for your tolerance.

Does anyone like critical people?

Only the uncritical people.

Critical people HATE and CRITICIZE critical people.

I’m critical. J

But of course I try not to HATE and CRITICIZE critical people.

A good friend of mine left for Indonesia to study medicine.

He was a hell of a chap, total respect for him, wrote him a good-bye card which I thought was rather touching(not intended, words were sincere). Hope he didn’t cry when he reads it on the plane.

He’s a sincere person, if someone is sincere to you, then it will go the same for him/her I guess.

He has taught me to be less selfish because he for one is TOTALLY selfless. Seriously.

He has taught me not to judge, we talked about this for a while during our usual Saturday morning breakfasts (after a jog at TTDI Kiara park).

Not to judge, and accept people for what they are because you can’t change that person.

That person is my grandmother…lol.

So yeah

Her constant nagging, sometimes only, sometimes when the mood is good everyone is happy she will show up with a temper and all…sometimes it’s hard and sometimes I try to change the way she is to the way I’d like her to be. Despite my effort of trying to be nice and gentle to her, sometimes it doesn’t work the way self-help books describe it to be.

Just have to accept the fact that she’s like that.

Back to me being alone. When I’m alone, I feel I’m less arrogant (unless I’m driving, still fixing that), I feel I do not have the need to impress people, I’m myself when I’m alone, well who isn’t. But when I’m with people I can’t be alone.

I want to prove that I’m superior to others. My slang, my language, my tone just breathes out arrogance. This fills the atmosphere with tension and uncomfortable-ness. At this point people will talk less to me, and when I realize what I’ve done, which is when I’m alone, I start calling myself stupid. “You don’t have to prove yourself to be superior”.

I don’t know why I think like that. Probably when I was younger I was very stupid, or treated as very stupid or I think that people treat me as very stupid. Because ever since I was a young boy, I was used to being praised by my mother a lot (excessively), and when I grow up, when I show my efforts and not get praised I guess I felt that I did not do a good job, hence the conclusion of stupidity. Man this is stupid.

I’m a person with the mentality of a…. bull.

I might not look like one but I think I think like one.

Dumb, impatient, charges without thinking, even though I don’t have a nose ring. I’m a bull. The things and promises are also bull, bullshits. Cause I either take a long time to commit to them, or never commit to them at all.

That’s me a useless piece of crap.

I polish cars, I make them shine the way that they should, but would you rather employ someone’s service that is sub-par to mine, but has very good-manners, good-souled (www.zeytee.blogspot.com comes to my mind)(EDIT: His results are NOT sub-par, I was only referring him to the good-souled part, not sub-par work, he's my sifu) , or employ me but with arrogance and criticalism, and when you come to me, you feel like I talk like I know everything, omniscient is it.

That’s me a useless piece of crap.

What am I good for, REALLY, I’m a big-time procrastinator, I don’t study as hard as my friends, I don’t score as good grades as them, I’m not as committed as them, I’m not as focused and concentrated at them.

Most of the time, I’m there but I’m not really there. I daydream, my mind wanders, when people talk to me, I don’t reply appropriately like I should.

It’s either a trying to prove to be superior reply,

Or

Don’t give a damn reply.

That’s me a useless piece of crap.

Thought I have unlimited patience, sometimes I just cannot tahan my brother’s persistent kacau-ing, I’ll just raise my voice at him, unlike some fathers who are great at controlling this. I also know this man, whom I really like for his soft-spoken-ness.

What am I GOOD at?

Nothing.

Feeling stupid?

Feeling useless?

Oh yeah, I can’t talk to girls to save my life, suck balls Kenneth, suck balls.

Feeling like a useless piece of crap?

Join the club.

Sorry for whoever is reading this, to make you read this UTTERLY NEGATIVE post, I know people tend to drift away from negative people, well I like to express them here, so that I can read it in the future, hopefully when I change into a positive person, and laugh at this post next time. J

SO please, if I brought your mood down, sorry, I owe RM1. Claim from me, seriously.

I think I need a vacation alone. That’d be nice. People like to go to beaches and stuff….
I can imagine that being relaxing alone to…

I can also imagine that eventually I’ll feel alone and will need a company.

A company whom I can be myself around all the time.

That’d be the perfect girl. Or guy. But I’d prefer a girl.

But then, I don’t think I know a girl whom I can truly be myself around with.
truly myself.

Hope this post was truly myself.

Off to watch ‘Letters from Iwo Jima’ (After about half an hour of driving and failing to locate the a DVD shop that sells porn, so I got this instead, oh I like war films)

Oh I also designed my ‘business card’. Not really a business since it’s unlicensed, but I give it to friends and relatives coz my detailing blog site is a bit long an hard to remember. What do you think? Oh yeah, if u go to my detailng website even the write-ups have a whiff of arrogance. Because when I think that people will read this, I try to want to make them feel inferior or I am superior. So when I have the mood, or when I’m alone, or when I’m myself, only I can write posts, talk to people, reply in forums, like now. Okay bye. Kenneth of the future, YOU ROCK!



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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Unorganized

Update on me.
Three weeks since my new semester has started, and haven't studied a single bit since my new semester started, been doing detailing even more.
Feel unmotivated and lazy, gotta get my priorities straight.

Now I'm sick, I think I got it from a friend, and maybe after awshing a car, body all wet straight away polish under the hot weather...extreme cold to extreme hot, then got flu, then a fever. then the fever made me blur...

Sick for three days, first day still detailing while sick, then didn't sleep at all coz bent my friend's rim. and then went his house to wait for AAM guy and played his XBOX360, played some racing game, fuiyoh drive mclaren F1, beats the crap out of a DB9.

yeah so that nite didn't sleep, made the fever worse, day 2 skipped school, day three today, finally gave in and see the doctor, on medication now, and I'm suppose to research something on the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis, which I had about a week to work on, but detail and sick and now left one night, bloody hell procrastinating again.

So much for my new semester's resolution of no procrastinating and being a better student.

My room's a mess, my life's not straight...argh...get it back in line...