Friday, August 31, 2007

Merdeka Eve

"any plans for tonight Kenneth?"

"dun think so, stay at home I guess"

to avoid the traffic jams and the hassle of celebrating and such...
then My sis wanted to go to The Curve, for the countdown/celebration. which me, my dad and my mom objected coz it's too dangerous and it would be difficult to fetch her back because the traffic just wouldn't move around that area when everyone wants to go home at the same time.

Then she must be so sad and then finally my dad let her go, so I had to take her there, which I first initially object since I absolutely hate to get into troublesome situations. So I brought her there, parked the car far away, and walked with her to The Curve to meet her friends.

That time I called a friend and she told me that 2 friends (both girls) would be there, which I would be happy to see (normally). So I called one of the girls, she told me she's going to pick up the other girl and then I asked her who is going, firstly is teh other girl and her bf(obviously) and then it's her and...another guy(which is just a friend, and maybe something more I assume, don't assume, when you ASSume, you make an ASS of yourself).

So of course the normal thing every guy would do is to join your friends and hang out with them, since you'll be alone for the rest of the night. I wasn't trying to be an introvert but told them that I was going to see other friends, which is quite obvious to them that it's fake coz I don't want to be the odd one out.
I mean if I were one of the guys, I wouldn't want another guy that we didn't invite to barge in on our 'double date' right. I'm not ranting or complaining, just expressing my point of view.

So I went to watch a movie alone (Impak Maksima, will explain in a short while). First time watching a movie alone, and my friend was right, it feels weird when the movie ticket seller asks

"How many?"

"one"

movie-ticket-seller thinks : *man, what a low-life depressing kid*

yea anyway i do like to be alone, you don't have to worry about people's feelings, you don't have to think how to say the right things, or act right, you can just be yourself and do whatever you want. being alone rocks.

Well after the movie, which was okay and was weird as you can hear people commenting and the malays kickin' your seat behind you without any consideration, not being racist..but yeah.
So after the movie, I had nothing to do for half an hour, till 12 midnight, when the fireworks begin.

I just walk around myself, enjoying the fact that I can go anywhere, wherever I want, don't have to think of what to say to anyone....as I walk and explore the booths and every corner of the area, half an hour has gone, the fireworks started, it was beautiful...and loud.

I stood there, looking up in the sky, and slowly felt the loneliness creeping into me, I wish I had a friend there so I can scream, or someone that I can comment to about the fireworks.

after the fireworks, I just wandered somewhere and sat down. Watching groups of people walk by, then suddenly being alone was...lonely. You see people laugh, you see people runnin' around, and you just sit there, watching. Wishing that there was somebody to talk to...

So I just sat there, and day dream, and stared into space...and was silent for the 45 minutes, when my surrounding is filled with noise, chatter and laughter.

This isn't suppose to be sad because it's not a very sad thing, it's just....loneliness.
When I am around friends, I wish I was alone.
When I'm alone, well it's okay....but then after long periods I realize, alone, can be, lonely.

anyway later I called my sis, we walked to the car and went home.

yawnzz.....sigh.

To conclude, I have :

  • No self-confidence
  • No Self-esteem
  • No character
Why? because if I have those? I would be comfortable being myself in front of my friends.
Which is also a reason why I like detailing, when I detail, I get the feeling that I am doing something right, the feeling that I know what I'm doing, the confidence that what I do is good.

But have no confidence in any other thing I do.

6 comments:

izso said...

Ish. I was thinking of calling you last night to go do something. But after much contemplating (about the number of roads being closed off) I thought it'd be better to stay home.

Impact Maxima I heard had too much CGI?

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

yes traffic won't move after the celebration...it was crazy.

Too much? not really? most of the drifts were real. But when there IS the CGI, it's very fake.

other than that it's a nice show

izso said...

I still can't believe KLCC let them take those drift shots in the middle of KL

Dr. Tan said...

Eh should have called me! I told you I was there that night!

DonovanChanJianWen said...

i watch a movie alone before >.<
so yeah, its weird lol.
But but, its still something one must try before they die!(:
your cool the way you are kenneth! i mean that in the most non-patronizing way! You really are great!

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

Izso,
hehe

Tan,
really?, oops I forgot!

Jian,
Thanks :) . eh why ur smiley the other way like Natalie Fong's one. (: hehe