Monday, August 13, 2007

Sunday 12.05 am


I am still critical.

I am still arrogant.

When it comes to socializing, I’m a piece of shit, I can’t be alone when I’m around others, with some exceptions. So to those who can still bear with me, thank you for your tolerance.

Does anyone like critical people?

Only the uncritical people.

Critical people HATE and CRITICIZE critical people.

I’m critical. J

But of course I try not to HATE and CRITICIZE critical people.

A good friend of mine left for Indonesia to study medicine.

He was a hell of a chap, total respect for him, wrote him a good-bye card which I thought was rather touching(not intended, words were sincere). Hope he didn’t cry when he reads it on the plane.

He’s a sincere person, if someone is sincere to you, then it will go the same for him/her I guess.

He has taught me to be less selfish because he for one is TOTALLY selfless. Seriously.

He has taught me not to judge, we talked about this for a while during our usual Saturday morning breakfasts (after a jog at TTDI Kiara park).

Not to judge, and accept people for what they are because you can’t change that person.

That person is my grandmother…lol.

So yeah

Her constant nagging, sometimes only, sometimes when the mood is good everyone is happy she will show up with a temper and all…sometimes it’s hard and sometimes I try to change the way she is to the way I’d like her to be. Despite my effort of trying to be nice and gentle to her, sometimes it doesn’t work the way self-help books describe it to be.

Just have to accept the fact that she’s like that.

Back to me being alone. When I’m alone, I feel I’m less arrogant (unless I’m driving, still fixing that), I feel I do not have the need to impress people, I’m myself when I’m alone, well who isn’t. But when I’m with people I can’t be alone.

I want to prove that I’m superior to others. My slang, my language, my tone just breathes out arrogance. This fills the atmosphere with tension and uncomfortable-ness. At this point people will talk less to me, and when I realize what I’ve done, which is when I’m alone, I start calling myself stupid. “You don’t have to prove yourself to be superior”.

I don’t know why I think like that. Probably when I was younger I was very stupid, or treated as very stupid or I think that people treat me as very stupid. Because ever since I was a young boy, I was used to being praised by my mother a lot (excessively), and when I grow up, when I show my efforts and not get praised I guess I felt that I did not do a good job, hence the conclusion of stupidity. Man this is stupid.

I’m a person with the mentality of a…. bull.

I might not look like one but I think I think like one.

Dumb, impatient, charges without thinking, even though I don’t have a nose ring. I’m a bull. The things and promises are also bull, bullshits. Cause I either take a long time to commit to them, or never commit to them at all.

That’s me a useless piece of crap.

I polish cars, I make them shine the way that they should, but would you rather employ someone’s service that is sub-par to mine, but has very good-manners, good-souled (www.zeytee.blogspot.com comes to my mind)(EDIT: His results are NOT sub-par, I was only referring him to the good-souled part, not sub-par work, he's my sifu) , or employ me but with arrogance and criticalism, and when you come to me, you feel like I talk like I know everything, omniscient is it.

That’s me a useless piece of crap.

What am I good for, REALLY, I’m a big-time procrastinator, I don’t study as hard as my friends, I don’t score as good grades as them, I’m not as committed as them, I’m not as focused and concentrated at them.

Most of the time, I’m there but I’m not really there. I daydream, my mind wanders, when people talk to me, I don’t reply appropriately like I should.

It’s either a trying to prove to be superior reply,

Or

Don’t give a damn reply.

That’s me a useless piece of crap.

Thought I have unlimited patience, sometimes I just cannot tahan my brother’s persistent kacau-ing, I’ll just raise my voice at him, unlike some fathers who are great at controlling this. I also know this man, whom I really like for his soft-spoken-ness.

What am I GOOD at?

Nothing.

Feeling stupid?

Feeling useless?

Oh yeah, I can’t talk to girls to save my life, suck balls Kenneth, suck balls.

Feeling like a useless piece of crap?

Join the club.

Sorry for whoever is reading this, to make you read this UTTERLY NEGATIVE post, I know people tend to drift away from negative people, well I like to express them here, so that I can read it in the future, hopefully when I change into a positive person, and laugh at this post next time. J

SO please, if I brought your mood down, sorry, I owe RM1. Claim from me, seriously.

I think I need a vacation alone. That’d be nice. People like to go to beaches and stuff….
I can imagine that being relaxing alone to…

I can also imagine that eventually I’ll feel alone and will need a company.

A company whom I can be myself around all the time.

That’d be the perfect girl. Or guy. But I’d prefer a girl.

But then, I don’t think I know a girl whom I can truly be myself around with.
truly myself.

Hope this post was truly myself.

Off to watch ‘Letters from Iwo Jima’ (After about half an hour of driving and failing to locate the a DVD shop that sells porn, so I got this instead, oh I like war films)

Oh I also designed my ‘business card’. Not really a business since it’s unlicensed, but I give it to friends and relatives coz my detailing blog site is a bit long an hard to remember. What do you think? Oh yeah, if u go to my detailng website even the write-ups have a whiff of arrogance. Because when I think that people will read this, I try to want to make them feel inferior or I am superior. So when I have the mood, or when I’m alone, or when I’m myself, only I can write posts, talk to people, reply in forums, like now. Okay bye. Kenneth of the future, YOU ROCK!



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11 comments:

izso said...

Your grandma went to Indonesia to study medecine? :O Oh wow man. That's one helluva grandma!

And I seriously don't think a nose ring goes well with your persona. XD

I don't see why you keep saying you're not good in this and that. In my opinion you're one of the best detailers I've ever met. Yes perhaps others are better than you, but that doesn't mean you suck at it. You're a helluva lot better than me and I wouldn't be sending a 450k Jag to you for detailing if I didn't think you were good.

Who isn't a procrastinator really? I am one myself. I have to literally force myself to do things otherwise I'll never get anything done.

Cut yourself some slack man. And Sept 24/26 it is then. We'll confirm again later. Maybe I could meet you up sometime for a drink.

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

lol, how come you're always the first to comment, despite the fact that I rarely and inconsistently update. Do you have a program that tells you or something.
Google Reader?
HAHA NO! that person is not my grandma, my friend is doing the medicinal studies, my grandma is the person I'm trying to change, but have learned from my FRIEND studying in indo now, to accept ppl the way they are.

The jag costs 450k?..omg.... I never knew...gotta be supreme extra careful on that one.

why don't u try to go for a nose ring?..since you had your ear pierced before. :P

And thanks man. yes a drink is good, haven't seen you in a while..haven't been going to TTs...

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

oh hey what do you think about the business card?
yes sept 24/26 should be fine.

izso said...

Looks good. But it'll cost a lot to make because of the colours. I suggest you re-think the shiny car background.

And I'm always the 1st to comment cuz I always pop by to have a look at your blog. It's one of the more interesting ones.

When you free for yum char? This sat free for lunch or something?

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

This saturday? Sure! confirm with u on friday

naz said...

jag = 800k la, not 450k :D

kenneth, I oso procrastinator. Always putting off replying your email. Better answer it here oni la. You did such a good job on my car. I'm (trying to) wash it once a week, and following your instructions. So sorry for not replying to your email earlier, my life a bit gila right now...

PS Truly arrogant people dont know they're arrogant. Nobody's perfect. The only way to improve yourself is at the end of the day to reflect on how you behaved, see where you went wrong, and try not to do it again. I didn't detect any arrogance when I met you :)

izso said...

RM800K O_o"

Man.. was I so off the mark.

Kenneth - there you go dude. Feedback from people who just met you. So you're fine la dude. Absolutely f-i-n-e.

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

hey naz, thanks alot :)
it's okay your priorities come first.

yep many times i did something and then go, "argh that's so stupid"

izso,
800k! o.o ... ... ...
what is the exact model? I want to look it up. is it the xk6?

Thanks again friend

yapster said...

Hello kawan...Youre not dumb lah...gosh...get this negativity out of your system. it isn't true! You're a great friend Kenneth. told u dat many times de. And even tho we don't really meet up often, i still appreciate you as on of my good friends k. You're unique in so many ways, that's why you have real friends like us. Somehow, you just don't see it but everyone that cares for you appreciates you and KNOWS you're not dumb.

Everyone's a procrastinator. Welcome to the club. Hope ur membership ends soon tho..Lol wth..

As for your card, maybe u cud use a different email instead of "ithasbeenyears"? no offense yea but in business i tink u shud sound professional? Just sometin i tink, doesnt have to be right k? justify urself..(it also helps cuz d mail will be strictly for ur work)

As for ur character, i tink the previous comments on this post are convincing enough but in case there's a single doubt in you're mind, NO you're not arrogant OK! Driving ego abit la..but thats fun! and wen u answer questions, you're merely ANSWERING the question. So what? the more details, the better..so dont stop answering noobs like me ok? i strangle u! HAha..(u have a passion for SHARING, not for flaunting)

INTERESTING POINT:
If you were arrogant, you wouldn't even care about answering noob questions..but u did.so, get the point?

k k..stop blogging here. lol..Take care my friend, God Bless! Cheers!

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

Hey Yap-pie,

thanks for the encouragement.
apologies to bring in more negativity.

not sharing la, trying to prove myself that I know something = arrogant.

really, I am one....i dunno how to explain, I will feel it. hehe, but nice to hear you guys think I'm not. Thanks for that :)

yealoh ithasbeenyears should be for personal stuff. or it can also imply ithasbeenyears since your car shined the way that it should, procrastination is a thief of time, send your car to wet shine detailing now! hahaha

can renew membership?

:ppPPPPP

take care, jesus bless

yapster said...

OR it can imply ithasbeenyears since i waited for you to detail my car? AHJAHAHHAHA....chill chill..bz bz..hahaa..am i a member? well, change ur name to arragorn..wth..lame..God Bless!