Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Prayer of Compassion

May I become at all times, both now and forever,

A protector for those without protection,

A guide for those who have lost their way,

A ship for those with oceans to cross,

A bridge for those with rivers to cross,

A sanctuary for those in danger,

A lamp for those without light,

A place of refuge for those who lack shelter,

And a servant for all in need.


- His Holiness The Dalai Lama
Ancient Wisdom, Modern World

I recite this when I start to think highly of myself or when ego kicks in, helps so far.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Overwhelmed

Lately, a few things have made me feel overwhelmed. *I am not myself in this post*

1. My detailing blog has brought me a bit of attention, there have been a few people messaging me in forums, a few e-mailing me, a few sms-ing me to request for my detailing services. I am grateful for that but most of the time feel insecure for bringing total strangers to where I live, also for the noise my machine makes , disturbs the neighbours. Well they haven't really complained, and when I asked them if it was noisy or not, they said it was okay, continue the work. Means they did not say it was not noisy, they just trying to be nice and friendly neighbours. Huge respect for them and the family for their tolerance. I feel overwhelmed by the detailing requests and I have to arrange the dates for each of them (less than ten requests) but that time I will be taking my summer classes for a subject I failed(re-taking), so a bit overwhelmed with the studying and the detailing, but excited for trying to get myself to be a perfectionist at the same time. Also trying to redeem myself from missing a few 'spots' on my latest Subaru detail.

Image hosted by servimg.com
A dream car


2. My final exams, starts on tuesday and I have been majorly slacking throughout my whole semester, So I'm trying to cover 13 weeks of stuff over the course of a few days. Well I had a month before this and I have been procrastinating, I was persistent a few days back when I unlpugged my computer in my room, but now plugged it back to contact a few of my potential customers and have been procrastinating through youtube and detailing forums(do not blame this on your customers Kenneth! when will you learn to take 100% responsibility of your life?)

Image hosted by servimg.com
Hot chocolate makes a good study companion

3. I plan to do my Masters course in Monash Australia after I graduate with my degree, I got highly motivated after talking to Zey and his experience of doing his Masters in UK. Then I told my dad and mom about my plans, and they supported me. Which made me happy and motivated me to do well in my upcoming exam. But when I told the plan to my no-nonsense-face-the-reality grandfather, ... "Got so much money ah?"
So i told him the fees is AUD24,200 and cost of living is probably AUD 50,000 and then I said exchange rate is AUD 1 =RM 2 (My ignorance being a finance student), "EXCUSE ME, the exchange rate is now 3.4!" (which is actually 3.03 yesterday when I checked at www.x-rates.com).
So this morning while I was sleeping he left me a note of his calculation for cost of living in Australia, which i can hardly decipher.

Image hosted by servimg.com
He writes perfectly when he writes a cheque, but not now

I think it is 25 AUD for food times 31 days. Rental is AUD 400 per week x 4 = AUD 1600 per month + I think it looks like bills = AUD 2000 total. and student earnings while working on saturday and sunday. 2 weekends, 14 hours per week for 20 hours...wait....i can't read his hand writing, at the end it's supposed to be me earning AUD 196 per week.

So expenses per month are

Food - RM 2348.25
Rental - RM6,060
less working 4 weekends - (RM2375.52)
-------------------------------------------
Total Expenses : RM 6032.73 x 18 months (the course is 1.5 years)

= RM 108,589.14 + course fee( AUD24,200 x 3.03)
= RM 181,915.14.
-------------------------------------------

Total expense for doing a masters course in Monash Australia is RM 181,915.14

and when my materialistic side kicks in...I could almost be driving a brand new Subaru Impreza WRX! (which costs RM185,704.80) I would give anything to drive a better car than my Wira right now. My wira with 13 inch wheels which understeers like crap and slides around on wet road like ice skates on ice, a body which rolls around in corners which makes you think if you are sitting in a boat than a car, water that drips down on hot days in the passenger foot area because of the air-con, paint that is so thin you could see the old paint under the new paint and metal showing on the edges of some panels due to my over-polishing, front bumper falling off, headlamps with fungus growing in it, the list goes on. ( Kenneth, appreciate that your parents can afford to give you a car to drive )

4. Grey's anatomy, I look forward to watch an episode or two while I have my lunch, procrastinating... But it's so hard to resist, I love this show, it's smart and it moves you the way it wants to. There was one episode which made me tear. I'm not gay, the word is emotional. Right now nothing beats an afternoon of lunch and Grey's anatomy.

Image hosted by servimg.com
Maid's fish porridge


5. I was looking through my safe box the other day and found my old Ragnarok Online credit cards.

Image hosted by servimg.com
Lots of money wasted here


Boy, those were the days, in form 5, I was so into the game because you get to play a character and there are males and females in the game. I remembered when the game was in beta and it was free, and I was an archer, and I was talking/flirting with this cute archer girl on cliffs of Payon overlooking the sea or lake below, I was in love with her, well her character anyway. Then when my friends started playing it, we would talk about it during recess or when we meet up. At one time we also argued over the game because I started 'botting'. Botting is when you use an illegal program which helps you play your character, so you don't have to do the tedious killing monsters to hunt for rare items or level up. So they were mad at me and I think we didn't talk for sometime because I was 'cheating' And after a few days-weeks. They friggin started botting too, which kinda angered me since they were dissing about me botting and now they were botting. But we were young (not that we are not now, just younger than now), and we probably weren't the most mature people, ok maybe they were and I am the one who is not. Anyway we've grown I guess and we're cool although they think I'm gay. ....those fuckers... ^^v

6. I was sending my neighbour home one day, and our topic turned to gfs and bfs...or something. I was making a statement that good girls don't like good guys and she said I was wrong. I kept saying I was right, probably because I think I am a good guy and nobody likes me. And she says how do you know if nobody likes you? maybe they do but they don't tell you. So I said nobody'll like me, or at least I can't imagine that to be, which was veerrry negative of me ( I know you are thinking I am insecure now for thinking like this). So I asked "Am I a good guy?", she said "yes", knowing that she's a good girl, my mind was asking "Do you like me?" hahahaha.
But I couldn't say that obviously because we didn't like each other, or at least I know she doesn't, I probably infatuate her at times, but that's about it. *hope she doesn't read this* **if you do, I'd like you to know that you're very cute** (dude, "you got issues", to quote my sister)
So I told this to another friend of mine who also said good girls DO like good guys, which set me straight as I know her bf, which was totally(bimbos like to use this on TV right) a good guy. So I guess good girls DO like good guys. I like bimbos with a slim body and long straight hair. *to good girls out there reading this, if any : I could like you too, even if you don't have a slim body and long straight hair*.

7. I was a bit angry at my grandmother yesterday and this morning because she kept asking me to fetch her around to do this and that. I was angry because she doesn't plan this and asks people who HAS plans to do stuff spontaneously. I was frustrated, so I slept in the afternoon yesterday till this morning. And this morning when she left a cup of one of her brews/concoctions in my room, I was angry because she always makes these stuff and always asks/force me to drink them. I put it outside my room and left it there. Being frustrated with her, I quickly bath and packed my study stuff and headed for my University to use their library(they are open on Sundays), when I reached there, the parking lot was empty so made a U-turn and head home, didn't want people to think I am weird for being the only one to study there(insecurity). While driving fast with Sum41 blasting reasonably loud to let go of my angst, I was shuffling in and out of traffic to get ahead of the slow cars, at one time I came out almost too near to a Toyota Vios behind me, I think he horned, but not sure with all the emotions and thoughts go through my mind. Then I felt sorry, that I made that mistake. And also for the mistake that I got angry over my grandmother for not accepting the way she is. So I bought some McD breakfast and went home, also felt sorry on they way because my selfishness didn't ask me to buy some McD breakfast for my bro and sis as they would much prefer them over chinese food for breakfast. When I went home, I saw the right of my grandmother's eye was dark-red dark-blue (not blue-black) because the mirror of a lorry hit her. Karma was wrong, it was supposed to hit me and not her because she didn't make any mistakes, I did. Her eyesight is deteriorating, but thankfully, karma also knows that it was too soon for her to lose her eyesight and the mirror of the lorry didn't hit her eye. Sorry mama.


Procrastinating...

Image hosted by servimg.com

"I have a clear line of fire! Give me the shot! Give me the shot!


"Execute"



Image hosted by servimg.com

"Shot fired. Target hit"

something is wrong with me

Something is wrong with me, a few days ago, I wish I had brain cancer and it was inoperatable and I just die.

I stare into space for half a day. Idle. And then, I had hope, I felt that there is still hope. It is still not too late. So I fought.

Now I wish I had brain cancer, and just die.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Monday, October 15, 2007

old posts hahaha

fucker my old posts damn fucking fake and bad, and rascsisct...how to spell...
race-ist, racecist...RACSISCT fucker still got the red wavy underline means wrong spelling....
RACSICT <--WTF?? still wrong?

rascist
rasist
racist <-- YES BINGO! DING DING DING

look at this post

http://ithasbeenyears.blogspot.com/2006/03/dear-officer.html

apologies to muslim readers in advance.

that was so curseful.. but I like it, that was before me reading any self-help books, before me thinking before I respond, that was when I don't give a fuck(yeah I could've said damn but I like to say fuck, FUCK (oh it feels so good) ). I just respond.

Who cares if the outcome was good or bad, I didn't give a fuck, which soon made me realised that it was egoistic, I guess in some peoples eye, I like me when I was me last time..hehe who cares what people thinks about you, you go kenneth! yeah fuck it, fuck them, yeah doggie style them, fuck em hard OH YEAH.

And my old posts are about what I did during the day, and how I saw things during that day, or something like that, a bit boring but I like it, and none of that inspirational, self-help crap I'm worried about now anyways.

If I had wisdom, I'll probably be looking at myself as immature and childish.

let's call the wise me mr.W and the who gives crap me, mr.K, cuz that' who I am.
W : you son, are childish and immature, I forgive you for you do not know your mistake.
K : Oh go fuck an elephant and cum into his trunk, who cares if I'm immature and childish, I LIKE it the way I WANT it.
W : That is selfish, satisfying your own needs rather than the societies.
K : Oh fuck the society, if they don't like me for who I am right now, then DON'T
W : Please, Mr.K, don't you want to be loved?
K : Of course I do!
W : To be loved, you first have to GIVE love.
K : I sure as hell fucking can, I can fucking make love to the society, oh yeah bitch, come fuck me...
W : You sound like you have a lot of anger, don't you want to feel peaceful.
K : Fuck the peace, peace is boring, I like it hard to the core.
W : please, feel the peace, achieve nirvana, let's close our eyes and meditate.
K : wuttha FFFF, are you FUCKING INSANE?? WTF???????
W : Shhh, feel the peace, the silence and be calm.
*ran out of ideas*
the end

oh yesterday I went to "Gau Wong Yeh" this nine emperor gods thing, and there was this huge-fucking-chicken-ass chart which shows what each mole on your face/body represent.

Two moles on my face represented ~perniagaan merosot~ and ~susah mencari rezeki~

and the one on my right arm which really hit it on the nail was ~percintaan terhancur~

so damn fucking true....so I was telling a friend that I should buang my tahi lalat so that I could have a gf, woohooo.

but of course being a wise and practical person he always is, he told me that I should accept the way it is and work harder...

LAZY laaa....just pay rm10, throw the fly shit away and fuck some gfs dawg..woohoo...

to potential GFs reading this, sorry I'm an innocent, honest and sincere person, I won't dare to fuck you because I have the most respect for you, sorry, I would love you day and night.

*hmmm something in my head, I should blog like a have a girlfriend, since people with gfs and bfs blog about each other's bfs and gfs...hmm I should, just to see how it feels like, to have a gf maybe, hahaha neat idea, my next post would be me going out with my gf, no first announcement that I have a gf, who cares lah if people think I'm nuts, percintaan terhancur anyways*

yah....and.....*yawns.... 12.18am shit gotta go bath make me some coffee and stay up through the night to finished up my assignment.

oh yeah something to be pissed about. at my fucking self for being last minute (i'm totally doing it again). I messed up my previous assignment and it was remarked as unacceptable by my tutor and says that I have to do it again. because of my fucking procrastination, fucking no drive for my studies, I gotta delay my revision for fucking this....oh fucker...

and was joking with another friend that our tutor is very bitchy because he check every sentence whether they are from the article that you cite.
wtf, he's a turkish you see, so I said why don't you fucking go back to turkey and dance in a fucking gay bar screaming GOBBLE GOBBLE at yer gay audience....fucker.

yeah why I procrastinated now, because a one day detail unexpectedly turned to a two day detail.

god, let me survive this night, and have officially given up on chasing any girls or falling in love because my mole tells me that I have percintaan terhancur, until the mole disappears, I shall have no gf, except for an imaginary one which is to come in the next post(kekekeke). If my mole stays with me till I'm 80, I shall be a bachelor for life.

yawns..FUCKING ASSIGNMENT ARGGGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGH....... GO

Saturday, October 13, 2007

.

Positive positive, I will stay positive...
i'm singing my positive song....

positive, positive, I will stay positive, eventhough I made a mistake

Cranberries - Animal Instinct




Suddenly something has happened to me
As I was having my cup of tea
Suddenly I was feeling depressed
I was utterly and totally stressed
Do you know you made me cry
Do you know you made me die

And the thing that gets to me
Is you’ll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I’ll always be in doubt
It is a lovely thing that we have
It is a lovely thing that we
It is a lovely thing, the animal
The animal instinct

So take my hands and come with me
We will change reality
So take my hands and we will pray
They won’t take you away
They will never make me cry, no
They will never make me die
And the thing that gets to me
Is you’ll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I’ll always be in doubt

The animal, the animal,
The animal instinct in me
It’s the animal, the animal,
The animal instinct in me
It’s the animal, it’s the animal,
It’s the animal instinct in me x2

Friday, October 12, 2007

Sigh

Because his hair is spiky so he is cooler than me is it.
Because his car is newer than mine so nicer to sit in is it.
Because he wears black and I wear all the gay coloured shirts is it.
Sigh, why am I feeling jea-fucking-lous, I don't even know that guy...erghhhhhhhhhh...

bloody you wait la, I dye my hair, spike it up, wear some accessories, change my clothing go to gym 10 times a day, eat 6 egg whites every day, see you come to me or not.... knn....

argh..why am I feeling slightly emo when I shouldn't....stupid infatuation(FUCKING AGAIN)!!!.....fucking no balls, fucking so easy to like people for fucking what, fucking shit fuck. Fucking sensitive fuck.

Grow some balls and get a life...

Monday, October 01, 2007

Is it me or....

...Am I a fecking DISNEY WHORE!!!
I feckin' love this song!

Yeah I know she's Hannah Montana, I got her album!

Some photos I took for fun.

Image hosted by servimg.com

After adjusting brightness, contrast and saturation thanks to Gary's(Dxtaz) advice.
Image hosted by servimg.com

Image hosted by servimg.com

Image hosted by servimg.com