Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Grandfather, if I had girls chasing after me too

“who did you like before mama?”

“no one, there was this teacher going after me when I was courting mama, I should’ve chosen her lah, mistake…”

“hah? Why? If you chose her then where got daddy, pak pak, lionel suk suk”

“why cannot, she also can give me the same wert”

”where can lah, you’re not proud of your sons ah? If you’re not I am”

“there was also this Ipoh girl chasing after me also, ask me go out to movies, go and eat with her, but I didn’t entertain her lah”

”Girls chasing after YOU?”

”yeah, what’s wrong?”

”what do they see in you?”

“brilliance, brilliant of a heart”

“HAHAHAHA, brilliance I can accept, brilliant of a heart, you? HAHAHA”

*we reach home, I opened the auto gate to drive my car in, my grandmother walks out*

”Why is that bloody stupid old woman out?”

momentary pause…

“To see you lah…hahahaha”

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I will change

If it makes me worth to be by your side.
I think about you
I dream about you
I miss you.

Just see, I will be a better man(or boy...)

Saturday, November 24, 2007

My 20th birthday

I'm 20. for the first time in my life, I feel like I have friends. Friends who I won't hesitate to speak to. My birthday was on the 20th, I spent my day before that and the day itself in Genting, with a small group of friends, they tried to surprise me when it was near midnight, but things didn't go as planned, I tried to act like I didn't know anything, but I couldn't keep my face straight for 2 seconds. I just laughed when they brought the cake out.

But thanks for putting the effort into doing something like this. I appreciate it, a lot. So they were the first to wish me happy birthday, and I felt lucky to have people celebrate with me...

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The night of my 20th birthday,

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Me making my long birthday wish, forgot to include that I wish I was in love, next year then, haha.
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Then following that I received two birthday wishes from two girls which I didn't expect. I grinned from ear to ear and let out a slight laugh when I read the messages. I was touched that they remembered.

Then my sifu wished me as well, he is a significant person and someone whom I look up to, yet he is humble and doesn't look down on me,an insignificant 20-year old(as of 4 days ago).

Then my high school friend Keith and mr.Daniel Yap, whom I didn't have his number (sorrylah, my old phone got problem)...

It feels nice to be remembered, it feels nice to know that they remember you. It feels nice.

I also got a few presents.

A few which are useful,

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A checkered shirt

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A freaking pressure-washer from my mum,dad,sis, two of my sister's close friends and my bro. Thanks guys! This was freaking expensive!

Some which were funny,

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note: my kukuchiao is well IN order

And one which was sweet and meaningful,

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:) :) :) :) :)


I think this was the most surprising one, a book given by someone who recognized my unspoken need. The gift was very thoughtful, I realllly love it, thank you.... Crap, now that I know she will read this, I can't say things I want to say anymore.

The book is easy to read, some stories are heart-warming, but it makes me think, what if love doesn't exist.
Can people survive without being in love with another?

'Love makes the world goes round' I know, but I haven't experienced that myself, yet. Right now it feels like the world can go round without love. But when a girl that my friend is deeply in love with is gone(as in cannot see or talk to in person anymore), he feels like there is no purpose to wake up everyday. There is no motivation to do anything, because ultimately what he does is for her, and when she's gone, everything is meaningless, but her. I think that's how he feels, and must feel pretty devastated at that time.

I'd like to feel the same way too, being so deeply in love with someone. What's stopping me? what is the wall?

fear of rejection?
fear of commitment?
fear of self-imperfection?

I would say all of it. I'm a lazy-ass self-centered bugger. I'd like to change that before I allow myself to be in love with someone. Or is that even possible, I'm not very wise...

To anyone who is in love at the moment, a poem from the book written by Melissa Collete.


You are all of this to me


You’re the thought that starts each morning,
The conclusion to each day.
You are in all that I do,
And everything I say.

You’re the smile on my face,
The twinkle in my eye.
The warmth inside my heart,
The fullness in my life.

You’re the hand that’s laced in mine,
And the coat upon my back.
My friend, my love,
My shoulder to lean on.

You’re my silly, mature, caring,
Thoughtful, bright and honest guy.
The one who holds me tightly,
When I need to cry.

You’re the dimple in my cheek,
The ever-constant tingle in my soul.
The voice that makes me weak,
The happiness of my life.

You are all I’ve wanted,
You are all I need,
You are all I‘ve dreamed of,
You are all of this to me.

"I Luv U" by The Ordinary Boys


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*get out of me, ego, out, out, out!*

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Congratulations Izso!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May your marriage be filled with LOVE and HAPPINESS buddy!!!
wooo hoooooooooooo!

your little presentation was very funny btw haha

Here's you in your jag
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and you walking across the dining hall
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were you nervous? kekekeke....

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I want to be . . .

A person with

unlimited compassion,

unlimited patience,

and unlimited humility.


A person who

does not procrastinate

is not materialistic

is wise.



Current Score

Compassion : 5/10
Patience : 3/10
Humility : 1.5/10
Un-procrastinator : -9999999999/10
Un-materialistic : 7/10
Wisdom : 1/10

Yup un-procrastinator -99999999999. I didn't prepare for one of my papers and didn't prepare for the tutorials during the whole semester for that subject (commercial banking) and skipped that paper cause I wouldn't even know what to write. So I ahve to graduate half a year late. Hah, so much for wanting to do masters. Don't think it's for someone of my caliber.
The thought of 'am I doing what I like' has been in my head off and on for a while. I don't think I really like to be someone who works in a bank. I'm not good with calculation and maths, or numbers.
Things I would love to learn and do is probably cooking, or painting. But it's too late to change now.
Final paper on Monday, I think this semester I'm going to fail two papers, have been slacking the whole semester. Hoping time would rewind and give me a fresh start.

If I can't get my priorities straight and become the un-procrastinator I want to be, no more detailing for me for 2008. This whole semester was almost all about detailing and less about studying, I didn't prioritize, never thought about the consequences of procrastinating a few hours a day, which adds up to... alot of lost time.

Kenneth, when are you going to realise the importance of this?

My dad asked me, "Ken, when are you going to start financing the family? two years from now? 3-4 years from now?"

The thought of it scares me, I wish I don't have to. I don't want to. I don't think I can. What if I can't earn as much as my dad does?

Will I be a disappointment to him?

I wish I was more appreciative of money and be pressured to earn them. I'm a spoiled child.

Sigh.

Current & near future agenda,
- last minute study for final economics paper, multinational trade & investment.
- Then it's detail mum's ride to prepare it for izso's wedding day.
- Then detail his wedding car the Jaguar XK8
- His wedding day.
- Meet up with forummers from Meguiar's Malaysia to 'demo' rotary buffing.
- Summer class to re-take Business Law
- Arrange detail dates with few customers and relatives
- Re-spray test panel to attempt wetsanding to remove orange peel.
- Start 2008 as the most un-procrastinating person I can be!

Gave my engine bay a good cleaning and dressing.
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I wish I can be like this bicycle's lamp reflector. Always looking up and not looking down.
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Rusty bike
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Used to use this to cycle from BU11 to Damansara Jaya to the Cyber Cafe when daddy and mummy banned me from using the PC.

mama, see the sadness in her eyes. She never seems happy nowadays.
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Although my grandfather has the wisdom, knowledge, etiquette, etc. He isn't a very loving person.
My grandmother the opposite, loving person, but not much etiquette and can sometimes be very emotional, omg I just realised she passed it down to me.
And my critical nature is from my grandpa. ... noooooooo.
I wish my mama's sons were more, compassionate towards her. Like today she had to go to the dentist, she asked my uncle to fetch her to DU to get it fixed, he wasn't free, which he always is when it comes to fetching my grandma to some place.

"I NOT FREE LAH, DON'T ASK ME TO SEND YOU TO ANYWHERE"

a devout Christian, *scoff*.

So she had to walk out of the house to the main road which was quite far to get a taxi. Midway it rained, and all wet. haih...

My grandfather treats mama the same way to. This afternoon and went into my sister's room, she has a whiteboard where she contengs stuff and writes memos on it. My grandpa wrote there, "I find greater treasure GIVING than receiving"

*critical mode on*

what a hypocrite. Charity begins at home old man! what's the use if you donate to charity homes outside when you treat your wife at home like this.

And also there's this guy, whom made a mistake which made me swore not to ever associate with him again. Then one day I forgave him in my prayers. and today he is still persistent and does something which he is not supposed to do, how can you forgive someone who repeatedly makes the same 'mistake'.

erggh....

*critical mode off*


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