Saturday, April 12, 2008

Progress Report Day 4

aih, didn't have the time to meditate again. While at McD just now, accidentally played handphone game. and then had ill will again because one of my friends was asking another friend so many questions, like what aoub this and that this that, this one how, this leh, oh can like that one ah.

in my mind already thinking "stupid, go back study yourself lah"... Then I caught that thought in my mind and reflected that I should strengthen equanamity so I don't belittle others in my mind.

I find that if I don't meditate in the morning or anytime during the day, I do let my thoughts stray a bit and lose concentration. But if I meditate in the morning, will have concentration until somewhere in the afternoon then my mind starts to stray and have to meditate again to regain constant concentration and focus. then in the evening it will run out.

Tomorrow will have to be somewhere at 8am, hopefully can wake up and get ready and got time to meditate.

Meditate on the mindfulness of breathing for concentration and loving-kindness meditation to develop good values. Haven't done loving-kindness meditation before.



Dr. Tan said...

Something got me from your comments.

"so I don't belittle others in my mind".

I should stop doing that too.

footiam said...

Kenneth, I think you have good intentions but maybe, you expect too much too from other people. Other people however are other people and that includes our loved ones at home; they are individuals in their own right and they are bound to be different from us.If you expect too much, you are going to be dissapointed. Now, I really wonder how you meditate on loving kindness. This old man really need a lesson from you.

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...


I think you are right that I expect too much from other people, because I have a very low self-esteem and I think that everyone who is not me is definitely better than me or more perfect than me, but then Buddhism teaches us no one is better than the other. Thanks for identifying that out for me. I don't know how to meditate on loving-kindness, just read abit about on the net. =)


izso said...

Kenneth - meditation is good and all. Just tell me you won't live to become a monk 5 years down the road.

As for concentration and meditation, is it really that powerful? You gotta teach me sometime.

footiam said...

Kenneth, at your age, it's normal to have low self esteem. Sometimes, it's due to the family background where you don't have someone older and wiser to guide you and it gets worse when the older folks spits out negative, hurting remarks regularly,making us feel unloved. But what can a person do about that? You tell me and I'll tell you. Meanwhile, I think you are a great person. When I was your age, I wasn't even half as smart as you are. And I dare not even talk about my Anaconda!