Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Progress Report Day 6 & 7. Conclusion

It's been a week since I started to attempt to live the arhat way. Well I didn't set strict rules, just meditation, no pleasing of sensual desires and no procrastination.

Towards the end of the week, I felt lazier and didn't have the motivation to continue, one reason is because I haven't been meditating routinely. On day 6 I didn't meditate, at night I procrastinated.

second reason is because I tell my self that the end is near and I can finally have freedom. So I slacked, and the result was, I didn't follow my study schedule because of procrastinating on the night of day 6.

Today is day 7, I woke up late because I slept late at day 6 (about 5.00 am), so I missed lecture, when I came home I browsed forums for two hours. I noticed that my mind wasn't so disarrayed before browsing, but after browsing, my mind feels very heavy, because of reading other people's opinion and information. My mind has also become quite uncontrollable and have a very slight headache where I can feel my heartbeat in my head(I think you've experienced this before). And then on one of the site I visited, had a picture of a hot foxy woman with voluptuous cleavage. It pitched a tent in my pants and this drove my desire to tame the slithering anaconda. After two hours of forum browsing, I feel so idle.

I think forum browsing is like watching TV, where you just observe, watch and listen, you don't have to think or put in your part, then your mind starts to get idle, and it is hard to get back up again because it just stays there.

So my mind is idle, my body is lazy, I lied on the bed, wanting to sleep, although knowingly that I already have enough sleep. Then because my coming two weeks will be quite packed to catch up with my studies after a late assignment submission and detailing over the weekend. So I tried to force myself to study by just sitting on the chair and opening my book. I read the first sentence, I didn't get what it say, and I scan through the words again, but my mind is not on par with what my eyes are looking at.

My mind strays to the picture of the voluptuous woman, making me want more to clean my tubes and empty the sack. And then, no, this is arhat week, I tried to close my eyes and control my breathing, but it's not working, I want to meditate but the thought of doing i makes me feel lazy.

I went against my will and sat down on the floor, cross legged, one leg on top of my knee, in the full lotus position (thanks for the illustration posted on your blog Footiam!). Closed my eyes, trying to regulate my breathing, my heart was beating very fast, my desire to wank, to listen to music to watch a movie is very strong because I know the end is near and freedom is near.

10 minutes past, thoughts soften, breathing slower. another 5 minutes past, my mind is empty, no more thoughts, not thinking about what I've read or do or what I am going to do. Just focusing on my breathing, the mind is calm, the mind is steady.

I continue.

I didn't keep track of the time, but when I decided to stop meditating, I opened my eyes, and felt an inner sense of peace, I sit there and stare blankly into space. My sexual and sensual desires are gone. I go to my desk and do what I am supposed to do. The thought of wanting to wank or listen to music or watch videos did not disturb me. I am at peace.

This is true freedom, freedom from desires and the freedom from suffering.

It's now 4.37am, and my arhat week is finished, and remember last time I said, I wondered if it would be harder or easier to control my desires by the end of the week. I would say a 150% that it's definitely easier. I will continue this, well not too strictly, I will still keep up with the meditating and no videos or games, maybe just once in a blue moon.

But I have also identified that when the mind starts to get idle, it's difficult to climb back up and meditation is the answer. I think meditation should not only be practiced by Buddhists but by everyone regardless of religion. Christians pray, maybe the form of them saying their prayers and thanking Jesus is also a form of meditation/chanting, which helps them feel appreciative and aware of their surroundings. Maybe different religions have their ways of teaching on how to focus the mind? I dunno...

Now maybe can let myself to listen to music in the car, because my friends have to 'suffer' the quietness when they sit in the car because I don't let them on the radio, hahaha.


izso said...

Seriously interesting. You reaaaaaally gotta teach me this meditation thing.

And not wanking has been medically proven not to be healthy. It's actually one of the better ways of preventing prostate cancer. Not asking you to wank every 5 minutes but don't hold it back too much.

footiam said...

Kenneth, are you trying too hard? Just live your life. If you are going to be an arhat, you are going to be an arhat. Perhaps, you should start with the right thought. Pleasing your anaconda isn't a bad thing, is it? Unless, you go and commit some crime, rape someone for instance, then that's bad. I don't know. You tell me.

izso said...

Rape is bad.

Jizzing onto your parents bed is bad too. Actually jizzing onto anyones bed including your own is bad. It's really hard to cleanup!

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

maybe I AM trying too hard, don't mean to disagree, it's better than not trying I suppose... :)

medically proven to be not healthy? O.O! never knew that as well... and what's jizzing??

footiam said...

I suppose so, Kenneth; it's better than not trying. But if you feel sad or not comfortable trying, then perhaps, there is something wrong with the method. There are many roads to Rome just like there are many way to arahantship, if there is such a ship! Don't end up in a Titanic!

izso said...

Er... jizzing is the result of spanking the anaconda.