Sunday, May 18, 2008

too extreme?

Since Arhat week, I have been slacking 'majorly'.
I have been bad tempered and haven't been controlling my mind.
I have been indulging myself in all the music and videos I can see and listen.
*American Idol!*

Tomorrow is Wesak day.
Tonight I will be sleeping on a mattress on the floor and tomorrow is an early breakfast and meditation from 9.00 am to 6.00 pm
Can I do it?

and then, well this is a spontaneous decision but I think I need it with my exams starting on June 6.

Arhat MONTH!
4 weeks straight

"You think I'm scum?!"

Let's see if I can control myself.

As again, no music, no videos, no satisfying my sensual pleasures and desires.
No detailing forum surfing.

Daily meditation

Minimal or no procrastination.

damn I have to give up American Idol and Grey's anatomy for this.

Too extreme? maybe, but for an unfocused, unconcentrated, procrastinating, undisciplined guy like me. Too extreme may not even be enough.

and something I thought about this afternoon, am I a guy?

1) I watch American Idol, I teared when David Archuleta cried on the top 3 results show.
2) I watch Grey's anatomy
3) I don't like clubbing
4) I don't drink or smoke
5) I'm not aggressive (besides driving)
6) I care too much about other people's feelings(well sometimes, or is it just to please them. I found out many people are annoyed by this because they find it fake.)
7) I'm naive

or is it just because I am fake. I try to please people too much sometimes, maybe most of the time.

Arhat month begins tomorrow

19/May/2008 and ends on 19/June/2008
My semester exam begins on 6/June/2008 and ends on 20/June/2008.

Weekly reports to follow.
Let the way of the arhat begin.

LOL I found something funny too because while typing this post the word arhat is underlined in a wavy red line, and as you know, this mean it's not in the Microsoft dictionary

Then I typed the word jesus, appeared in a red wavy line and I right clicked to see if the correct word is jesus (with a capital J), but there's only jess and jests.

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Then I typed the word buddha, also underlined in a red wavy line. But when I right clicked, there is the word Buddha with a capital B.

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Then I thought "that's weird". So I googled Bill Gates' religion and found out that he's an aethist! LoL it's probably not on purpose but what a coincidence haha.

ATTENTION: NOT INTENDING to put down any religion or teaching here! so don't get all sensitive on me for my shallow mind alright. THANK YOU

21 comments:

Dr. Tan said...

Funny :P

izso said...

LOL

I spelt my Indian friends name and Word recommend "Nauseous". That was funny like hell!

And yes, you're a guy straight up and real. Guys watch American Idol too you know. But I don't understand why anyone would cry over Archuleta - he's gonna be another Chris Daugherty easily. He's got the talent and I'm quite sure the recording companys have noticed.

footiam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
footiam said...

Kenneth! You are not a scum! Don't look down on yourself! When you do things to try to please others, that really show you are really a nice person but don;t you know that some people are not deserving of nice treatment? Yes, I do believe people who try too hard to be nice will end up looking like a fake but then, I don't think you are a fake. You are just looking for yourself and you are just there; only thing, is you didn't see; well, that's what I think, but I don't have to be right. Frankly, this is just my opinion: if you aspire to be an Arhant, you don't have to be so harsh on yourself; controlling the mind, abstaining from this and that - you end up being your own dictator. At your age, I am very temperamental, getting angry easily and I believe that's because I wasn't happy and wanted to be noticed. My problem may be different from yours; but at this age, well, I have come too terms. You may be Buddha himself, but people like Devadata will not notice. So, I think you shouldn't be so harsh on yourself and don't give yourself freely; that is , try to please everyone. Not everyone deserve your kindness and you are not obliged to be kind to them. You don't have to be cruel of course. By the way, Kenneth, I wonder if you have heard about the story of the guitar strings - if they are too taut or too loose, they won't produce good music. If you are too harsh on yourself, you are pulling the strings too taut! If you are kind to every Dick, Tom and Harry, maybe , the strings are too loose. Whadaya think?

Anonymous said...

u're just a scum...kid who thinks he's all great and smart acts like a man..but actually living under rich parents..

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

phew I can't do it, I started at ten meditate one hour then later was feeling too exhausted dunno why and slept on the floor for 1.5 hours. then meditate again another hour. The inactivity was killing me, so I stopped and went to do my studies stuff instead. I cannot comprehend at all how the monks, meditate for so long and Buddha himself, under the Bodhi tree, meditate until achieving enlightenment.

During my 2 hours meditation probably the only time I could focus on a single point is a minute. The monkey mind is wild today.

dr. tan,
:)

izso,
you mean David Cook is going to be the next Chris Daughtry easily right?... you have to watch the results show man, haha but you're too macho to cry anyways.

footiam,
You are very kind sir. Thank you. My problem is I try to please everyone because I want them to like me in return. And many tiems I do this, the effect is actually the opposite, maybe because I look fake, as you said.
And incidentally yes I was reading about it this morning about the Buddha speaking of the middle path, when he followed the extreme ways of torture, it is like a guitar chord that is too tight, struck, and it produces a bad sound. When he was a prince he indulged in luxuries of life, and example of a loose guitar chord, stuck and produces a bad sound. so the middle path is like a finely tune string, that produces a harmonious sound. Well in my case...you know what, I think you may be right! but if I am kind to every Dick, Tom and Harry, isn't that one of Buddha's teaching, compassion for all? I don't know. Maybe can be kind to everybody, but not TOO kind. not too lose and not too tight string. :)

anonymous,
hi there! I appreciate your comment(s). well firstly I am not great and smart, I mean it, among my friends at the place I study, I'm probably one of the stupidest person there! I'm the one asking them how to do this, calculate that, where did you find this...so no, I am not great nor smart at all!
About living under rich parents, I have thought about this to myself but never really blogged about it. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be where I am now. If I were to be born in a less ideal environment, I would probably get to experience suffering firsthand, and to be more appreciative towards the things I have and not take things for granted. My problem is I am not appreciative enough and I take many things for granted, for example my relationship with relatives, relationship with friends, the material things I have. And many times I feel that I don't deserve any of it!

anyway I really appreciate your comment, if you are back here again reading this I would like to know why do you think I'm a scum and all great and acts like a man. Don't worry I won't be angry at you or anything and you can vent your anger at me.
I look forward to hearing from you again.


p.s hmmm, I don't advertise my blog and wanted to remain low profile, but I think the contents of this blog didn't make it so. I worked as a waiter at Secret Recipe before, and the boss there told me before, "sometimes in life, it is better to be low-profile" of course that time I don't understand at all, why be low-profile when you can have all the attention, fame and glory you want? Now I think I do.

footiam said...

Kenneth, you are a lay person; not a monk. don't try to live like a monk; at least not when you life does not demand it. As a layman, you have responsibilities; in your case, you have to study, you have to watch TV etc. If you have a wife and children, you have to give them time. You can meditate, but half hour would be too much for some; but really meditation is not just about sitting down. Contemplating on things, i.e thinking over things, like thinking over your actions, your thoughts; that's meditation too. If you are not a monk and trying to live like one, maybe, the strings are too taut! Don't worry about people labeling you scum too. You are a scum if you think you are. A scum will only see you as a scum. Why bother about scums.And you don't have to explain to scums that you are not a scum. You don't owe everyone any explanation; not a scum

As you say, it is only right to be kind to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Being kind to some undeserving Tom, Dick and Harry is not being kind at all. Being kind to a scum is very unfair to non-scum; thus in being kind to a scum, you are unkind to someone else who is more deserving of your kindness. In being kind then, sometimes, you ended up being cruel. I think you don't have to be kind at all; you just don't have to be cruel. Why bother to be kind to everyone unless you want to play God. You are a human with shortcomings; everyone has shortcomings; which we entitled to have as humans!
Mm...mm..., so , you are a rich man's kid. You should celebrate! And celebrating is not about going clubbing, there's nothing wrong if you don't go clubbing, drink or smoke. That's you Kenneth, you don't have to be someone else. You can however, celebrate by making good use of what you have. Money is important dear Kenneth, with money you can do good things. Without money, many good things done won't be appreciated. When it is not appreciated, a kind thing isn't view as kind at all. Just don't flaunt what you have, Kenneth.People may find that snobbish. You know, your problem is not you are not appreciative enough. I think you have not been appreciated enough and at times, you want reassurance; an example perhaps is when people say you are a scum; you ask for an explanation; that could mean, you believe what is being said. Maybe, too, you don't have enough attention as a child or you don't have someone you can trust or someone serious to talk seriously to; in the end however, I believe you must learn to appreciate yourself regardless of what other think of you. People may call you scum and a spoilt rich brat but inside you, do you think so or do you allow others to let you think so? If you do, you will just drag yourself down and i wish not to see that happen to you or to any other person. I do find you bright, Kenneth. You are not stupid when you ask questions; you ask because you don't know; not knowing is not stupid. Maybe, you have read this: if you look at the forest as a source of knowledge, human being can only have a leaf of it; we can't have the whole jungle and thus, we have to ask questions. Ask yourself this then, Are you kind to yourself? If not, when are you going to treat yourself well.Do you love yourself? If you are wishing for love from others, sometimes, you 'll end up dissapointed. Give yourself some love and some kindness. Once you have a taste of your own love and kindness, then you can give it to others~ Meanwhile, it's not your responsibility to be nice to be any Tom, Dick and Henry. Be nice though but you don't have to go all out for that.

izso said...

Anonymous : How rude. You're just as much a scumbag as anyone else you label as scum. Why don't you shoot yourself and be rid of all your sins?

Kenneth : Macho? Ha? Are you talking about the right person? Just because I don't sympathize or become overly attached to things doesn't mean I'm macho! A show is just a show, I have a feeling it's all rigged anyway.

Let me tell you a story of one of my friends whom you know. (Black BMW hatchback dude) We were friends for ages and all the time I knew nothing about his background. After 2 years of hanging out with the dude, then only I found out he had a BMW and lived in a really posh area. So yes you can be a rich mans son, but as long as you're humble about it and live normally without being boisterous and show-off-y, then there's no problem really. The only reason why people would label you as a rich mans son is because they are jealous they didn't get an expensive Bosch water hose for their birthday. Speaking of which, I want one!

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

footiam,
you touch me, thank you for that extra long explanation. I did believe what anonymous said and it was in my head last night and this morning till now. It did kinda bring me down because I believed it because there must be a reason for him/her to say it.
Maybe my strings are too tight...
thanks again :) :)
about my childhood, nope I didn't have the lack of attention, it is actually the opposite, my mother gave me too much attention in my opinion, even when I don't deserve it. So now I'm an attention seeker because I don't get it the way I used to from my mum.

izso,
you know this anonymous person? Wonder if it's the same person on your blog.
Anyway I'm not a rich man's son(don't like to be labeled that), we have been through hard financial difficulties where my brother and sister was to young to understand then. Yeah, just saying...

footiam said...

Kenneth, I hope you won't let anonymous affect you. If people call you a scum and does not identify himself, no name given, just anonymous, well,his opinion isn't worth a grain of salt. It's different though if he or she has something nice to say. So, I guess, this is one example where you don't splurge your kindness on. Don't wast your energy on such people. Friends have to be picked. Kindness have to be given to the deserving. If you want to live a calm, meaningful life; you have to be among people who think positively and speak words that uplift; but then, you must differentiate this from hypocrisy. Failing that, in a world filled with negative people, you have to think positive. Begin first by thinking well of yourself. And being pampered as a child, count your blessing. Many people would want to be in your shoes! Be happy, dude! You are great!

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

footiam,
you know, regarding your own comment in your blog. "if there was no religion in th world, the world would be a better place", I have to fully agree and if there were no different leaders, like politics and such there would be no conflict.
anyway I have still been thinking about what anonymous said and actually haven't admitted it to myself that I act smart and great. It's quite true actually because my grandfather will say "lek kau mm chit" (cantonese) to me...well 'm going to write that on my next post. thanks again for your advice and wise words. I have a friend who also told me, everyone is born a Buddha, it's the environment that they grow up in that changes them.
Yeah well, have a good day sir.

footiam said...

If you have acted smart and great, so what, Kenneth. Once a while, we all do that. If you feel you have done it and shouldn't have done it, then, next time, don't. What have been done cannot be undone and moping over it is a sheer waste of time. Contemplating on it is different. If we contemplate and think it is wrong, next time, we don't do it. Your grandfather may say you are wrong and you may respect his views but believing in it to the extend that you feel down and so wronged, well that is perhaps an extreme... too taut the strings, ha ha! Learn to laugh over our own shortcomings, won't you, Kenneth? Human beings can be forgiven for shortcomings and perhaps, you may have read that of all beings, human beings is the best. We have a mind to choose. Choose your path. When you let scumbags calling you scums and feel so low about it, you are actually letting other people choose it for you and scumbags too! If people call me scumbags, I say yes, why not? I am a scumbags to you! I don't mean you, Kenneth -, you know what I mean.

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

footiam,

haha I know what you mean. I've asked a few adults about this and was surprised to learn that one of my friend who is in my opinion the most humble, non-arrogant a person can get, also will have people who won't like him. I realize after this that you can't get everybody to like you, which is something I always try to do, getting everyone to like me. The friend that I mention... I mean, there is no reason not to like him! but somehow, people do, probably because of envy.
I ask my father and grandfather about this also, and as always my ever-critical-grandfather tells me, today's society is very cruel and evil, my naive self tries to deny it. My dad say in this world you must have two things, career and *rubbing his thumb and index finger*, if you don't have this (*rubbing his thumb and index finger*), people will look down on you and when you don't have it, then you will find who your true friends are.
I really don't want to accept it for example on the way home one day, there is this foreign student on the side of the street holding an A4 paper with a big 'K.L' written on it, obviously hitch hiking for a ride, and I told my dad why don't go and fetch him. My dad is a kind and generous person, but then he said "This is Malaysia, not other country" I would fetch him if I was driving since I have the time, which my grandfather called me stupid. haha. Either way, I hope that when I'm an adult, I won't change my view of compassion for all, I must have some very good karma in my past life to be where I am now and wish to build more. Anyway thanks footiam, I'm sure your good karma is through the roof!

izso said...

Kenneth, remember my story about the "Choose one person and say what you like about the person. Then choose one person then say what you dislike about the person" story? It happened again in my office's team building. You can't please everyone all the time. You can only afford to please those that deserve it.

And as for acting all high and mighty, it depends on the situation. I'm an expert in my field of work and a lot of people use me as reference when they have a problem. Having that many people come to me when they need something fixed tends to be a real boost in the ego, but it's not a ego boost that I decided to give myself. It's what others acknowledge me to be, so I can be without others thinking badly about me. You know what I mean? As long as you don't take it too far la. I ask for chocolates from the pretty girls and sweets from the others. They happily oblige as long as I give them the right solution. :P Hehe. Great conversation starter this thing is too.

Anyway cheers mate. You're doing fine.

Btw, I'm selling parts of my car off, I know you're driving the Wira anymore but if you're still interested, it's in the forum

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

izso,

yup remembered the story very clearly as i thought about it in the situation I am(was) in...
thanks for the advice man and the ehads up about the car parts. Posted in the forum... If only I can have your rims! hahaha *No desires~~*

footiam said...

Well, Kenneth, not everybody likes Buddha, not Devatta. There is even a girl in Sarvasthi, India who pretended to be pregnant and accused him of being the father. If I heard right, the girl died a watery death in a pond which is still there near a Burmese Buddhist temple in Sarvasthi. Then, of course, Devatta threw a rock at him at Vulture Peak and sent an elephant after him. Even Jesus, if you happen to read about him, was betrayed and they say, it was just a plan. Now, perhaps all of us need to plan to in walking our path! I think you are extremely lucky to have your father and grandfather around you to consult. I'll kill for that! I don't know how you take it - some people find it suffocating around old people who always criticize; but if it's your own father or grandfather, like it or not, you will have to accept it especially when you know if they criticise for your own good in mind , which of course, doesn't work that way, sometimes. I wouldn't like to think of this world as cruel and evil though, even if there are cruelness and evil in this world since, life would be meaningless then. Somewhere I read, the world is withing our body and here lies all the goodness that is in this world. So, perhaps, like a galaxy, earth is a world by itself like our body, mercury is another world. While earth is full of life and beauty, there is no life in mercury. There is a kind and compassinate world in us and out of that, in other people, there is cruelness too, or kindness and we have to be able to recognise cruelness or kindness when we see it. If it is cruelness, we have to say it is cruelness and not, in the pretext of wanting to be kind, call it kindness. When you see a spade, you have to recognise it as a spade but you don't have to annouce to the world that is a spade. It will be very unfair on the spade and then of course, being human, we may judge wrongly. All said, I think I can understand why your father did not give a ride to the hitchhiker. Part of me is like you, another part is just like your father. During my younger days, I have this desire too to help people like this hitchhiker, I may not stop. Not unless the hithiker is injured or sick or something like that. But if I am alone, I may have second thoughts too. I don't think it is just today's world or that it is Malaysia but during the good old days and in other countries too, there are vultures are to feed on easy meat. The hitchhiker may look like a hitchhiker, a nice one but we are not sure if he a hitchhiker, a nice one too. For all we may know, he is out to rob you. That's a bit cliche but then it's possible. If you have compassion, spare it for someone else more deserving. The hitchhiker can take a ride home in a taxi - let him rob the taxi driver so that you will be in one piece and is there to give your compassion to someone who really needs it. For all we know, the one who need our compassion is living under our own roof, having been neglected for all the years we are with them. Children could be neglected by the parents; parents can be neglected by their children etc and they need our compassion more. But it's really not easy to be kind to someone living with us for we often see their flaws and we are very attached to our prejudice for them. It's easy to want to help a stranger, a hitchhiker, to want to know and like them since we have no preconceived ideas on that person.Maybe,if I am your father, I would call you stupid too for wanting to help the hitchhiker although I know you are not but then perhaps, I won't. Maybe, I would pick him up too especially if I am not alone in the car for if there are two people, perhaps, there is no need to fear the hitchiker even if we know for sure that he is a pervert. Maybe, with you around, I would not allow anyone on the car because if I were your father or grandfather, I would like to protect it. I guess to sum up, to help or not to help, it all depends on the condition. You know very well that a seed will germinate if the conditions are right; so, we help if the conditions are right. I do believe career and money are important but those are not the only important things. People are too especially people around you, people who could affect your life like your parents, spouse, siblings , friends. I don't think everyone will look down at you if you have no money but most would really look up if you have it. I definitely would look up! Money mesmerizes! Money makes the go world go round! Money allows you to perform dana, to support the monks, to show your kindness! You must have money and a career! You can find your true friends even if you have money. You have your mind to guide you. With your mind, I am sure you can keep all the goodness and compassion you have in you. When you grow older, perhaps, what can change is just how you dispense that goodness, that compassion. You don't give it to anyone. They must have the right karma to receive it - Otherwise, piss off! ( You can just show scumbags your Anaconda! Mua Ha Ha! Ha! I think I sound like a pervert!)

footiam said...

Well, Kenneth, not everybody likes Buddha, not Devatta. There is even a girl in Sarvasthi, India who pretended to be pregnant and accused him of being the father. If I heard right, the girl died a watery death in a pond which is still there near a Burmese Buddhist temple in Sarvasthi. Then, of course, Devatta threw a rock at him at Vulture Peak and sent an elephant after him. Even Jesus, if you happen to read about him, was betrayed and they say, it was just a plan. Now, perhaps all of us need to plan to in walking our path! I think you are extremely lucky to have your father and grandfather around you to consult. I'll kill for that! I don't know how you take it - some people find it suffocating around old people who always criticize; but if it's your own father or grandfather, like it or not, you will have to accept it especially when you know if they criticise for your own good in mind , which of course, doesn't work that way, sometimes. I wouldn't like to think of this world as cruel and evil though, even if there are cruelness and evil in this world since, life would be meaningless then. Somewhere I read, the world is withing our body and here lies all the goodness that is in this world. So, perhaps, like a galaxy, earth is a world by itself like our body, mercury is another world. While earth is full of life and beauty, there is no life in mercury. There is a kind and compassinate world in us and out of that, in other people, there is cruelness too, or kindness and we have to be able to recognise cruelness or kindness when we see it. If it is cruelness, we have to say it is cruelness and not, in the pretext of wanting to be kind, call it kindness. When you see a spade, you have to recognise it as a spade but you don't have to annouce to the world that is a spade. It will be very unfair on the spade and then of course, being human, we may judge wrongly. All said, I think I can understand why your father did not give a ride to the hitchhiker. Part of me is like you, another part is just like your father. During my younger days, I have this desire too to help people like this hitchhiker, I may not stop. Not unless the hithiker is injured or sick or something like that. But if I am alone, I may have second thoughts too. I don't think it is just today's world or that it is Malaysia but during the good old days and in other countries too, there are vultures are to feed on easy meat. The hitchhiker may look like a hitchhiker, a nice one but we are not sure if he a hitchhiker, a nice one too. For all we may know, he is out to rob you. That's a bit cliche but then it's possible. If you have compassion, spare it for someone else more deserving. The hitchhiker can take a ride home in a taxi - let him rob the taxi driver so that you will be in one piece and is there to give your compassion to someone who really needs it. For all we know, the one who need our compassion is living under our own roof, having been neglected for all the years we are with them. Children could be neglected by the parents; parents can be neglected by their children etc and they need our compassion more. But it's really not easy to be kind to someone living with us for we often see their flaws and we are very attached to our prejudice for them. It's easy to want to help a stranger, a hitchhiker, to want to know and like them since we have no preconceived ideas on that person.Maybe,if I am your father, I would call you stupid too for wanting to help the hitchhiker although I know you are not but then perhaps, I won't. Maybe, I would pick him up too especially if I am not alone in the car for if there are two people, perhaps, there is no need to fear the hitchiker even if we know for sure that he is a pervert. Maybe, with you around, I would not allow anyone on the car because if I were your father or grandfather, I would like to protect it. I guess to sum up, to help or not to help, it all depends on the condition. You know very well that a seed will germinate if the conditions are right; so, we help if the conditions are right. I do believe career and money are important but those are not the only important things. People are too especially people around you, people who could affect your life like your parents, spouse, siblings , friends. I don't think everyone will look down at you if you have no money but most would really look up if you have it. I definitely would look up! Money mesmerizes! Money makes the go world go round! Money allows you to perform dana, to support the monks, to show your kindness! You must have money and a career! You can find your true friends even if you have money. You have your mind to guide you. With your mind, I am sure you can keep all the goodness and compassion you have in you. When you grow older, perhaps, what can change is just how you dispense that goodness, that compassion. You don't give it to anyone. They must have the right karma to receive it - Otherwise, piss off! ( You can just show scumbags your Anaconda! Mua Ha Ha! Ha! I think I sound like a pervert!)

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

footiam,

to quote you; "But it's really not easy to be kind to someone living with us for we often see their flaws and we are very attached to our prejudice for them."

How true is that! and how true is also the following sentence.

"It's easy to want to help a stranger, a hitchhiker, to want to know and like them since we have no preconceived ideas on that person."

can you see through me or something because I would say I am exactly like that. When I don't know someone I will look up to them and have no negative thoughts about them, when my critical self acknowledges their flaws, I will start to disrespect and belittle them in my mind. Although I do try to control it.

But I do have to disagree about money...If I renounce the worldly life and become a monk, what use is money to me? I don't know then again, I've probably never suffered before like many of us do...

haha sorry sir I won't be showing any scumbags my Anaconda, the slithering animal is reserved for foxy ladies ;) hahaha.
(who is the pervert now, hahaha)

thanks for your advice sir.

izso said...

If you renounce money and become a monk, give me the moolah. I'll be more than happy to help :D

Btw, I personally think the hitchhiker story isn't that 'safe'. In the modern society where bad people are just as sophisticated as the good ones, they'll prey on naivety and the plain 'good heartedness' of the good people. So help a bad person and they'll take advantage of it and rob you. Worst case scenario, kill you off and run off with your car.

I trust no one except my family and my friends (certain friends). Strangers get 0% trust and must earn their way up and even then, I'm sceptical.

Better to be a sceptic than prematurely dead 6ft underground.

footiam said...

Kenneth, a layman is different from a monk. A layman has perhaps five percepts to follow but a monk many more. If a person renounces to become a monk, he still has to eat and be clothed and all these are money; just that the money comes from others. If you renounce everything and become a monk, you don't need money, but you need the money from someone else. I don't know then if you can say a monk does not need money. If you are a child and under the support of your parents, well, you may be like a monk;you don't need money; your parents need them. Give me money anytime. Even now, I think monks are given red packets and some travel in style. Whether these are genuine monks or not is not the question. Anyway, when you say if I can see through you, I can just say this: you say what you want; I listen and understood.Sometimes, you may say loudly to the world what you want and most probably people would not listen and if they did, they do not understand. It is important then that one understand oneself more. Anyway, don't worry so much about other people's shortcoming or about controlling your mind. When you worry so much, you create a dark cloud within your soul and you'd probably get entangled in all the negativity that you create. When you try too much to control your mind, you end up a dictator to yourself. I'd prefer to live naturally like the flow of the water in the stream. Perhaps, I may notice people's shortcoming too and start to belittle them too; perhaps after belittling them, I'd rejoice and count my blessings. Thanks goodness, I am not like that rude scumbag! He wouldn't hold a candle to me! I would enjoy pissing him off!(Now, I am turning sadistic, Ha! Ha!) Why should I control my mind at all? I'll let things flow its natural course; it's just like the water had come to a barrier; during which time, I take the opportunity to overcome the barrier by starting to think about something nice and pleasant, the nice me instead the terrible scumbag, rejoicing in being in a better person, then, there's no time at all to feel all the disrespect for someone who actually deserve that sort of disrespect. Maybe,if I have to think so much about the scumbag, I'll start thinking of him with compassion for him, I'll instead of sitting down for hours in the wee, wee morning, doing sitting meditation, numbing and hurting my feet, I'll do some loving kindness meditation. I have asked you before how you do it wgeb actually in the corner of my mind, I am sure I have been exposed to it long ago. Loving meditation is just reciting in my mind all the good wishes you have for others, all sentient beings, all devas too, even your enemies too. I think it create a positive feeling. For example, you may say mentally, May all beings, all devas, (the scumbag, too) live happily and attain nirvana... I think of posting something on this in my dhamma delight blog but havent't come near to doing it. You have a sneak preview! And I'll share a secret with you here too. I wouldn't even mention the scumbag if I were doing this loving kindness meditation. He is not worth thinking about! Ciao!

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

footiam,

hmmm you are right I didn't thought of that.
I don't really know what else to say actually.
thanks for the long reply again!

:)