Thursday, July 31, 2008

A love story


In form 5, I dread the times when we are asked to write essays or karangan, it's just time consuming and I would rather much play my Ragnarok Online. After 2-3 years studying dull financial gibberish, I miss those days and wish I could appreciate them more then. So I thought I try and write something, it's a short 950 word essay. It is purely fictional. Might be too mushy for the tough guys.

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I’ve known her since we were 12 years old. It was in our old classroom, sitting on our wooden desks and chairs. I used to lose myself gazing at her, lost in a wind of emotions. We lived our school years but never really got to know each other, until recent years. She may still have an effect on me as I sometimes lose myself in her eyes.

In the recent years, we grew closer to each other, as friends. I’ve been with her through some troubling times, some which may feel like hell to her, as it sure felt that way to me. She’s a very attractive girl, many boys will fall for her at the same time, it will be surprising to find her without a boyfriend at any given time. I’m happy for her if she is happy.

But I discovered her true self before any other girl. Is it possible? To love before infatuating? Is it possible?

This is how I felt, that if there was a girl I would be with the rest of my life, it would be her. But I am stubborn with my values, I’m against destroying relationships, especially of one whom I love. I love her.

What if she is to be taken away from me? I don’t have any right to keep her to myself. What if her lover wants her to be with him, in another country, far away from where I am, what if the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with, disappears.

I want to stop that from happening, but I can’t. Her lover is taking her to France, as he himself is a French, she wishes to learn his native language. He is everything I am not. He is intelligent, he is successful, he is charming. Till that day comes, I cherish every single moment I spend my time with her. When we talk, I still tend to lose myself in her deep eyes. My surroundings didn’t matter to me, I could feel her speech was only masking what was really on her mind.

We remain friends for over four years, which feels like seconds when I am with her. We are both 22. The time has come for her to go to France. I’ve been single all my life because I haven’t found a girl that I will love, like her. I confess I’m not an attractive guy, or else I would’ve made the effort to be with her. But I didn’t want her to be unsatisfied or unhappy whenever she is with me.

I know the boys that want to be with her are better than me, so I held myself back, and just to be there for her when she needed me. But I can’t sit beside her in lectures anymore, I can’t eat with her during lunchtime anymore. She is leaving for France, and I always wanted to do something with a girl that I loved.

The evening before she left, I asked her out to a park, which may not seem unusual to her, as we were just two close friends. As we crossed the short bridge over a drain, we stepped on the concrete paved path. I tell myself this is the last time I will be with her, the girl that I want to be with, the rest of my life. We were just friends, but I feel as if my true-love is gone, my soul feels empty, for there isn’t a purpose in life after she left.

We walked for a minute in silence, hearing the dry rusty leaves floating across our feet. My emotions overwhelmed me, it made my hand reach for hers. I did not look at her, but I did not feel her resisting, I slowly slit my fingers between hers and locked our palms together. My surroundings were blurry, although I wasn’t looking at her, her beautifully shaped face, her hazel brown eyes, was very clear on my mind. The smell of freshly cut grass was invigorating, her warm hands were comforting to hold, but I didn’t feel the emotions I felt when I was 12, which was the first time when I saw her.

I felt a certain sadness, emptiness, like a young bird without its mother. I felt lost. I want her to stay, and I do not want her to go, but it is not my choice to make. She is happy, and I should be happy for her, but I am not.

We walked around the park twice. “Seth, is there something you want to tell me?” she said. Her sweet voice made me think of the days where I would just sit and listen as she talk to our friends. Our short conversations on the phone are even shorter as I can’t think of anything to say, but just to listen to her voice.

I stopped, which tugged her hand for a bit as she didn’t realize it. I grabbed her other hand, and build my courage to lift my head, it felt like I had a sack of rice tied to my chin. But that feeling soon vanished as my eyes met hers.

I love her, I wanted that moment to last, I didn’t want her to go. She looked at me in a way that I’m unfamiliar of.

I muttered, “I love you”. . .

Her eyes started to glimmer like the way the rippling sea looks during sunset. A tear rolled down her white cheeks. And then, I remembered immediately, it was the same way she looked at me when we were 12.

Her eyes grew deeper.

Her lips separated.

“I love you too”.

8 comments:

Dr. Tan said...

Fulamak.

You another one.

Shin said...

huh.. true or juz a story ? haha confused =p

izso said...

Shin : He said fictional. But confusing isn't it? :D

Kenneth : Hmm.. mushy? Not really. Surreal - probably. Kinda only ever happens in the movies unfortunately. In the real world if you want something you have to go get it. You can't wait for opportunity to dissapear like that. The harsh reality of things is : She probably really would've loved to go to Paris but at the same time would've loved to stay with Seth. But at the same time, money would've been paid for airfares and stuff, so it'll be highly unlikely she'll stay. So in the reality of things. Seth should've come forward ages ago. Before the French dude.

And I think it's interesting how you can write these sort of things. Mine would've been pretty robotic. Girl loves guy. Guy loves girls. Guy and girl has sex. They argue and breakup. They make up and have sex. Happily ever after.

XD

shin said...

ohhhh okiee thx izso

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

dr. tan,
what you mean ANOTHER one? lol, I know you've been writing stuff like this right, hehe sifu.

shin,
real or not ah... up to your imagination :P ta kei nvr call me!

izso,
remember the story says Seth is against destroying relationships. If the girl constantly has a girlfriend, how can he move in.
And he knows she'll be happier and better off with other guys. So why move in?

It's not about what Seth wants, it's about what she wants.

lol @ you're story...

izso said...

Kenneth : Uh... girl has a girlfriend? Man. If it were me, I'd move in and see if I can get any bisexual action there! LOL

Assumptions my friend will be the death of all. How does Seth know she'll be better off if he never asked?

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

izso,

ooops I meant boyfriend haha sorry.

"Assumptions my friend will be the death of all. How does Seth know she'll be better off if he never asked?"

hmmmmm you are right on that one....
damn I can't think as good as you, YET.

izso said...

I don't think good. I need a 3rd party perspective like everyone else does. So I'm your 3rd party at the moment.