I shall try!
These past few days I've been filling my mind heavily with self-doubt,
I can't do this I can't do that.
Just today I was walking to the car park in 1 Utama, and there's this tall skinny guy, who doesn't look very macho or guy-ish, but beside him is this extreeeeeeeeeemely hot girl, with the perfect body, perfect hair and perfect face, well to me anyway.
And I can't stop thinking what does he have that I don't.
Well he's probably a very optimistic person, well he's probably more hardworking, more intelligent, more... you get the point. And it goes on and on and makes me walk with my head pointing towards the ground.
My desire for life at the moment is zero, with no will or purpose to live.
I've been verrrrry pessimistic. But now I'll try to change, positive thoughts and blog posts from now on!!! (or as long as I can sustain).
I was actually a positive person. After reading a book by Keith Harrell's book, Attitude is Everything. But then afterwards I read another book, 7 habits of highly successful people.
In it it states that positivity does not bring results, or something like that.
An example to illustrate this point was that, a traveler is following a wrong map to get to his destination. A successful traveler will find the proper map, and the 'positive' traveler is absolutely positive that he will get to his destination.
From that point on, it kind of threw all the things I read about positivity away.
and negativity began... even when I go otu with my friends, we were dreaming about what cars to own in the future.
Of course anybody's dream car would be a Ferrari ( or a Lambo, depends on which camp you're in) When he mentioned a Ferrari I immediately said "Wah, sure cannot lah"
Then he told me "Why so negative?"
I didn't realize I was being negative because I thought that was the truth, I mean, what are the chances, of my friend and I, from one of the laziest class in school, in owning a Ferrari?
(yeah yeah I know A dream is only a dream and a goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline, make the dream a goal! *wow positive thinking right there!*)
but seriously, what are the chances and the probability????
so do you think I was being negative there?...
but anyhow from then, negativity and pessimism became automatic and apart of me.
Kenneth, the negative boy.
Okay from now on, positive thoughts...wow this is really harder than I thought...
I'm trying to say "I can do it" in my mind at the moment but as soon as I said " I can.... *negativity kicks in*... I sure cannot lah".
hmmm I should re-read that attitude is everything book!!
All the way babeh!!!!!
okay since I'm on an enthusiastic roll... let me tell you a joke. well, a to-be joke
Watching movies alone have become a norm to me and this morning while waiting for my car to be serviced I went to watch the incredible hulk movie( go watch it in the cinema, the sound effects and loudness are great). So I was lining up at Cineleisure's ticket counter,
Ticket girl: Hi
Me: yeah, Incredible Hulk, 12.15pm
Ticket girl: How many? One?
Me: ...Unless you want to watch it with me. *give cheeky smile*
haha no I didn't said that, the conversation just ended at yeah, but I so wanted to ask her unless you want to watch it with me...haha wouldn't that be funny?
and if she said sure, but I get off work at 3pm, we watch the 4pm show okay?
And then we watch it together at 4pm and then get to know each other and live happily ever after.
Dream on Kenneth.
And another thought, before the movie I was having breakfast alone (scared to call any friends, fear of rejection mah*damn, negative*), while reading Memoirs of a Geisha (Chiyo-chan~!!), I had this thought, if I were to be a bachelor, for life! and nobody ever wants me...
I could always go to a maid agency and pick a decent looking one and treat her like a wife...
why do I even have such thoughts???????
pessimistic I guess, pessimistic about finding a girl... A friend tells me not to worry, you'll meet a lot of people when you start working...
1) well for starters many working guys don't have a girl...so what a re the chances that I would be able to find one?
2) Work? it seems like an eternity from now!!
sigh okay okay sorry no more negative thoughts I can't help it. It's au-to-ma-tic~
Automatic by Utada Hikaru, enjoy, have a good day!