Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Failed!

Kim Jeesun!

That's her name...

So I took an elective this semester, the unit is Retail Management and during the first class, I sat beside this girl, with her cute cap and glossy lips, she looked so Korean, and later found out she is. That time I remembered I wanted to ask her something and just introduce myself, but I didn't, because of fears and limitations that my mind created and presumed(STUPID!). So I though, ahh there's always next week...

and yes I didn't again because I keep putting it off and after 4 weeks, I didn't go to class and she attended, and the weeks after that I attended in hopes of seeing her, but she didn't attend and today was our last week and last day of class.

yesterday I was psyching myself out, building positive mental attitude, re-reading my dating e-book and watching a video, which I only managed to watch 2.5 hours of, there are 12 hours in total.

And today in class, I entered late, but was delighted that she was there, we sat way apart... I said to myself I would at least get her e-mail address. There was no opportunity until we left class, and somehow I just stood there, not knowing what to do... I reframed my limitations of what she would think... so I didn't matter what she would think, and I didn't reframe what my friends would think.

Being a very critical person, I was afraid that they would criticize me, for example like,

"This Kenneth, see pretty girls then only go and make a move"

or

"This Kenneth, so shallow only look for pretty girls"

you get the point, and all these thoughts just keep charging into my mind, I had a great barrier to protect myself from what Jeesun would think of me.

But I forgot to build the barrier of what my friends would think.

So as Jeesun walked out the door, I stood there telling myself I have failed... and I realized I could have followed her out the door and somehow, we would strike a conversation. That time, my positivity gas ran out, and I fully regretted it.

I am the only one to blame myself for this. I discovered that the times were I tried to improve myself the most are when I'm infatuating a girl whom I want be together with (yeah I don't get the whole courtship thing, bear with me please)

And when I don't like any girl, I get lazy and drastically slowed down self-improvement, which is a mistake because I should gradually improve because one day, I might just meet the girl that I want to be with, or that's the idea at least.

And today I know this girl, but I just didn't build my positivity enough, didn't reframe my limitations enough, to build the courage and guts to approach her. Oh what a mistake I have made.

If only I have another chance to meet her... Kim Jeesun! if somehow you are reading this, drop me a message!!!

le sigh~

moral of the story: never stop improving yourself, eventhough it will not come in handy now, it will sooner or later! When you need it unexpectedly, then too bad, you're unprepared. Damn damn damn damn.

p.s. She reminds me of BoA

Photobucket

16 comments:

shin said...

=p get her e-mail adress from her friend? she still in the uni wert..right.. so stil got chance ><

izso said...

I agree with Shin.

But one note : Girls don't dig guys who have no erm... pardon the bluntness - balls. So if you like her, stand up, go to her and just say hi. At the very least be a friend and ask her out for lunch. Who cares if your friends think those things? You're the one talking to her man.

It'll at least get your brain moving rather than being stagnant on the what if scenarios. I personally hate what ifs. I like to be certain.

陈一豪 said...

Eh dude dangerous right? Don't lah spell full name. Later they google themselves and find something odd here heh.

footiam said...

thought this is just one of your creative work!

MiaSuraya said...

omg i also wanted to blog about kim jeesun weh!!! i like her hair and clothes.

hahahhaa.....

have u met hilda? she was hotttt ;)

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

shin,
I don't know any of her friends, she disappears after class... rarely see her anywhere else.

izso,
good good, I agree to, but don't have your guts, yet...

陈一豪,
haha, nvmlah, I'll take the shot, I want her to know...(which you'll probably think I'm stupid)

footiam,
nope :)

miasuraya,
hahaha! hey, how do you know her?
Nope I don't know hilda...

guess who?? said...

hey kenneth =)=)=)=)

y don;t u have the guts to ask me??? i've been waiting for u since the very first day of class... guess its too late... well i'll give u my email address ok?? don87ald@hotmail.com.....................................................................................................................................................................................HELLO.. hahaha kiddin dun angry ok?? wat happen la?? hmmm could give u some advice ma lol.. can ask ricky oso tat bloody bitch so 7 smooth... u la never talk to me wan... burden.. still got chance wan.. no class d meh?? i mean same.. did u try finding her on facebook or friendster?? stalker mode la like shin oso wat. lol we all have different characteristics. dun blame urself. maybe u need more training. always try to talk to other girls even if their not ur preference if u noe wat i mean =). jus build up ur confidence. next time u wun have the same problem anymore. dun straight away jump into "i wan to get u mode" u must build from scratch le. so u feel comfortable talking to girls. u have to first make them as ur fren not lover. hope u get wat i mean?? u see la ur clas so big approach those girls easy to talk to wan. cos u feel more comfortable when u jus think of them as frenz. get it?? drop a msg. from the Don.. dun angry k?? =)

MiaSuraya said...

music class :P

hilda is from indonesia.. i havent seen her this sem though... she had flawless skin, hair and style... and seriously gorgeous.

izso said...

Kenneth : who said anything about my confidence? THICK SKIN man. Just have enough thick skin and go ahead and conquer!

Besides, your whole embarassment is a pretty good ice breaker.

"I've been meaning to say hi for sometime now but everytime I come near I fluster and faint. So before I pass out, HI!"

:P

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

Donald you bugger,
hahaha, you think you can psycho me ah "hey Kenneth =)=)=)=)", four smileys there summore....hahahaha!
you know me lah, too proud to ask for advice. But thanks for telling me, ya I understand what you mean, I haven't seen you online lah, during the times I online.
I stalker mode already also no success of finding her.

How's UK treating you?


miasuraya,
music class? your elective issit? have you finished up your elective slots? I'm thinking of taking psychology next sem.
btw, do you know what is Jeesun majoring in? :P

ahh, I know who Hilda is then, yeah really like....perfecto, haven't seen her recently also

izso,
hahaha!!! won't she think I'm crazy psycho or something?

"I've been meaning to say hi for sometime now but everytime I come near I fluster and faint. So before I pass out, HI!"

haha, would YOU say that kinda stuff?

*Reframing* They way I am critical of myself does not mean others will think the same way. ah-hah!

izso said...

Would I say that kind of stuff? HELL YEAH. But I have much thicker skin apparently and I usually start with flattery. HEhehe

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

izso,
hmmm interesting...
gotta lose my pride!

izso said...

Pride? Hmm.. yeah I guess. Ego is a no-go.

So have you said hi yet?

Kenneth Tang a.k.a Fishbonezken said...

nope not yet...paper is on 30th October...7 more days, till J-day.

izso said...

So apamacam man?

Have you said hi yet? Dammit do it before she leaves for the semester! And get her contact or something!

izso said...

Oh.. and smile! Look into her eyes when talking not at her boobs! Smile!