That's her name...
So I took an elective this semester, the unit is Retail Management and during the first class, I sat beside this girl, with her cute cap and glossy lips, she looked so Korean, and later found out she is. That time I remembered I wanted to ask her something and just introduce myself, but I didn't, because of fears and limitations that my mind created and presumed(STUPID!). So I though, ahh there's always next week...
and yes I didn't again because I keep putting it off and after 4 weeks, I didn't go to class and she attended, and the weeks after that I attended in hopes of seeing her, but she didn't attend and today was our last week and last day of class.
yesterday I was psyching myself out, building positive mental attitude, re-reading my dating e-book and watching a video, which I only managed to watch 2.5 hours of, there are 12 hours in total.
And today in class, I entered late, but was delighted that she was there, we sat way apart... I said to myself I would at least get her e-mail address. There was no opportunity until we left class, and somehow I just stood there, not knowing what to do... I reframed my limitations of what she would think... so I didn't matter what she would think, and I didn't reframe what my friends would think.
Being a very critical person, I was afraid that they would criticize me, for example like,
"This Kenneth, see pretty girls then only go and make a move"
"This Kenneth, so shallow only look for pretty girls"
you get the point, and all these thoughts just keep charging into my mind, I had a great barrier to protect myself from what Jeesun would think of me.
But I forgot to build the barrier of what my friends would think.
So as Jeesun walked out the door, I stood there telling myself I have failed... and I realized I could have followed her out the door and somehow, we would strike a conversation. That time, my positivity gas ran out, and I fully regretted it.
I am the only one to blame myself for this. I discovered that the times were I tried to improve myself the most are when I'm infatuating a girl whom I want be together with (yeah I don't get the whole courtship thing, bear with me please)
And when I don't like any girl, I get lazy and drastically slowed down self-improvement, which is a mistake because I should gradually improve because one day, I might just meet the girl that I want to be with, or that's the idea at least.
And today I know this girl, but I just didn't build my positivity enough, didn't reframe my limitations enough, to build the courage and guts to approach her. Oh what a mistake I have made.
If only I have another chance to meet her... Kim Jeesun! if somehow you are reading this, drop me a message!!!
moral of the story: never stop improving yourself, eventhough it will not come in handy now, it will sooner or later! When you need it unexpectedly, then too bad, you're unprepared. Damn damn damn damn.
p.s. She reminds me of BoA